Friday, April 9, 2010

written in late march

I'm a crappy friend. I'm crappy everything. I have not been there for friends when they are struggling. I want so much and take so much but give very little and often nothing. I'm so useless. I'm a burden.

I am so sick of feeling like shit. I hurt all over all the time. I have no energy.

I am a slob. I'm lazy. I'm ungrateful. I'm a bitch. I'm fat. I'm an embarassment. I do nothing. I just waste time. I waste time, money, space, resources.

I'm started my period the day I went and volunteered at the golf tournament thing to get my disneyland ticket. It was a long day but not difficult work. Most of the time was spent sitting in the shade in a golf cart waiting for each group of golfers to get to hole 7 and then marking off on the list we got their picture as the other lady snapped 2 shots of each group. Then I helped with various little things and sat around and waited for her to return with the developed pictures and then we glue sticked the pictures onto cards and gave them to each golfer. I was there from about just before 1 until almost 9. I only had to be there from 1:30-4:30pm to earn my ticket but I felt guilty that John and Danielle flaked out at the last minute. Not like I had anything better to do anyways.

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