Friday, August 25, 2006

Following a list

Blog is on my list and we're at that point once again in the list. I don't really know what to say. I'm depressed. I want to cut myself oh so deep, but I'm working hard not to. Dawggy is helping me. Poor Harmony is sick as a dog. I never understood that phrase. Dogs aren't usually sick. Maybe when dogs do get sick its usually really bad? I don't know. Oh well. If anyone that reads this prays please pray for them to have a safe trip to see Dawggy's daughter and well health for the trip.

Another "down" day

I've been really depressed lately. I only get out of bed to talk to Dawggy and Harmony. I've been skipping the gym most days. I do study. Dawggy has been helping me with a list so I get stuff done. I have to get my room clean by wednesday so mom lets the cable guy come in and install cable internet in my room cuz Verizon DSL sucks.

to the moon and back - savage garden

Shes taking her time making up
The reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smile
And the look in their eyes
Everyones got a theory about the
Bitter one
Theyre saying mamma never loved
Her much
And daddy never keeps in touch
Thats why she shies away from
Human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now shes waiting for the right
Kind of pilot to come
And shell say to him
Shes saying

Chorus

I would fly to the moon and back if
Youll be
If youll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we
Belong
So would you be my baby

She cant remember a time when she
Felt needed
If love was red then she was colour
Blind
All her friends theyve been tried for
Treason
And crimes that were never defined
Shes saying love is like a barren
Place
And reaching out for human faith is
Is like a journey I just dont have a
Map for
So babys gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that shes hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
Just saying

Chorus

Hold on hold on

Mamma never loved her much
And daddy never keeps in touch
Thats why she shies away from
Human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now shes waiting for the right
Kind of pilot to come
And shell say to him
Just saying

Chorus twice
I'm not having one of my better nights but i've managed to hold back the tears tonight. i really want to cut my leg but i'm trying not to. i should go to bed soon cuz i gotta get up at 8 and its a quarter to 4. dawggy is helping me follow a list. i dont know what i'd do without him.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Second week of class

Today was the second class for Children's services. We got some handouts on how to do the reading assignment and the other major assignments in the class. Before class, at 4pm, I met Cindy and we did the lab work together. Tomorrow or wednesday I need to go take the quiz. The lab for AV that we did today was hard. We had to splice audio tape. Cut it, and tape it back together. It was very frustrating. My hands shake and my hand eye coordination has never been very good. We also had to record our name, the date and about 15 seconds of the third song on a cd. That part wasn't hard but I hate the sound of my voice on tape. After we finished the lab work Cindy and I went to McDonald's for dinner. We both had fish sandwhiches and fries.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

not having a great night

I feel depressed and urgy but I shouldn't. There's no reason for me to feel so shitty. I just want to cut and make myself feel better. I havent cut in a long time, weeks. School went ok this first week. I've been studying. My room is a mess which is frustrating becuase I just don't know what to do with it. I don't know where to put stuff. I want to put my stuff in my own place but that's probably never happen.

*cries without knowing why*

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

my throat hurts

I have a sore throat and a bit of a cough. I think it's just post nasal drip. I hope its just pnd and not something else that'll last longer. I started school yesterday. The Children's Services class don't look too frightening. The other class, Audio/Visual, starts tomorrow night (well it's after midnight so technically it starts tonight). That one feels scary. We'll find out soon enough how bad that one is.

Friday, August 11, 2006

just hold on

BOYZ II MEN LYRICS

"Just Hold On"

I know you've been going through some things
The pain you hold inside's written on your face
I know you're 'bout tired of the rain
Well, baby, so am I, but I know things can change
Well, you can die, you can sigh, you can cry, to your midnight blue
But that's not you, no, no
Cause I know you're stronger
It's apparent to me so do you

[Chorus:]
If you just hold on
I swear everything'll be okay
I know you're nervous
I know, but baby, give it some time
Things will go your way, my love
If you just hold on
I swear everything'll be okay
I know that you're nervous
Baby, give it some time
Things will go your way

I know it's been heavy on your mind
Baby, give him up, he's not worth your time
Where is it that says you need a guy
Well, you don't need his love to justify your life
So, he can go, let him go, make him go
You should want him to
So can you
I know that you're stronger
It's getting clearer to me
So do you

[Chorus]

So, don't let your defenses down
I know that somehow you'll work it out
I know
You should just believe in yourself, yourself

[Chorus]

I know
I know
[Fade out]

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