Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Counting down!



Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Cleaning cleaning cleaning

I have organized my closet.  I have moved the bed, cleaned out everything under it, dry and wet swiffered where the bed sits and put the bed back.  I've cleaned out the corner between the dresser and the nightstand, moved the night stand out and cleaned the floor there too and put the nightstand back.  I've organized all the dresser drawers. 

There's still a million things to do...in every room.  The inspector comes tomorrow morning.  I have a matter of hours to get the apartment looking spic and span.  I started my bedroom before I got the letter but it's taken a long long time to get anywhere. 

I've got all the dishes washed at this point. 


I'm trying to get my whole place organized, starting with the bedroom.  I've made progress finally.  So much is left to do in there tho and everywhere in this place. 

On top of the organizing tho I need to clean.  And the cleaning needs to be done TONIGHT since the letter I received from Housing Authority says:

"This notice is to advise you that a housing inspection will be conducted on 07/21/2010 between 7:30am and 4:30pm"



Things that must be done before the inspector arrives:

  • Clean tub
  • Clean toilet
  • Clean mirror
  • Clean bathroom sink
  • Clean kitchen sink
  • Clean stove
  • Clean bathroom floor
  • Clean kitchen floor
  • Straighten livingroom
  • Straighten kitchen
  • Hide dirty laundry
  • Empty bathroom trash
  • Take all trash out
  • Make bedroom presentable
  • Straignten hallway
  • Clean counters
  • wipe off washer and dryer
  • Wipe down inside fridge?
  • Swiffer livingroom?
  • swiffer bedroom?
  • Make myself presentable (get dressed, brush teeth and hair, etc)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

TAWCTTHP:W. DIYL. HARFMOTP, AHYMSTCAPOTF. DIDTTI, TD, ATHFTHCA... WTHTIWBASOJAITATW.

Fifty five years ago Disneyland opened.  I so miss having the luxery of going there often.  It's been 7 and a half months since my last visit to the Happiest Place on Earth.  No one understands that for me it truly is the Happiest Place on Earth.  I need that escape.  But I can't afford it.  I can't afford anything.  I feel guilty for even having the air consditioner on yet again even though I've used it most of the day today and most of the day for the last week because it gets so hot I end up covered in sweat and my computer doesn't work and wiith the housing inspector coming on Wednesday I really need to get this place cleaned up and just can't do that when I'm too hot.
I'm depressed.  I'm hopeless.  I'm always in pain and there is no doctor for me.  I tried figuring out the stupid medi-cal packet but can't.  I tried getting help but there is no help.  So I have no doctor and will not be getting a doctor and so I will just continue to be in pain.  Life just sucks.  I try really really hard to pretend everything is ok but it's not and never really is.  No one understands how exhausting it is for me.  I'm sorry.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

4th of July

It's July now.  Fourth of July pretty much sucked but I pretneded to enjoy myself as best as I could.  Danielle finally called about 4pm and I then had an hour to get to her house.  My mom said if I stopped by her house on my way she would give me some money so I got $20 so I could have some dinner or pay admission to whereever it was we were going...though no one really gave me a straight answer about where that was.  I got over to Danielle's just a couple minutes past 5pm and then a few minutes later Danielle, John and I went and picked up Emma from the fireworks stand she was working at next to Toyopros to raise money for her church trip to Thailand later this month.  Then we went to Goofios house.  All this time we'd been rushing around to get to Goofio's house only to sit around and wait and wait for Brianna and Goofio to finally actually get ready and leave.  Then John, Danielle, Emma, Goofio, Brianna, myself and some guy I dont know that was over at their house walked a few blocks to some school I guess it was that was having a carnaval and fireworks show.  By the time we got there it was only about 5 minutes until the show started and they'd stopped charging admission.  They wanted to play at the carnaval and so we did not have a very good spot to hear the music that went with the fireworks and I guess it was the grass has my eyes burning and my sinuses acting up as well as some of my friends.  Eventually after the show we managed to get everyone to walk back to Goofio's place and then eventually got them to leave to go get food since some of us had not eaten dinner.  We ended up at Denny's.  I had french toast with strawberries on them from their $2,4,6,8 menu.  The conversations there just left me feeling more left out and depressed.  They talked about 401ks, their retirement plans, their health coverage, etc.   They also talked about John and Danielle's upcoming trip to Hawaii.  Goofio talked about going to Vegas soon.  Blah blah blah.  I, as usual, cried when I was finally alone again.

Being with others just makes me feel even more alone and crappy.  I hate life and I hate myself.  The talk of the damn reunion didn't help anything either.  I'm such a loser. I wish I could disappear.

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