Friday, November 19, 2010

Why? by Rascal Flatts

It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin' third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage, you shined just like the sun

Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
And was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, oh, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that bad a place

Oh, why? There's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain?
Oh, but I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong, they lied, and now you're gone, and we cried

'Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song, your absolutely beautiful song

This song is important.  I keep listening to it over and over and over again.  I wish I did not feel so alone and so hopeless but I do but I can't make you ask why so I just continue to suffer each day and try not to complain too much.  I'm sorry.  

Thursday, November 18, 2010

40K and exhausted

I have gotten to the 40k mark on my NaNoWriMo project.  Last saturday I went to a write-in and during the course of several word wars I ended up leaving with an extra 6820 words and 2 prizes.  A small moleskin notebook and a copy of the book "No Plot? No Problem!" by Chris Baty.

I am so tired all of the time.  I am tired of being tired.  I have gone to write-ins the last two tuesday nights at Panera.  I saw friends a couple times last weekend.  My sinuses have been acting up and my eyes always burn.  I just want to sleep all the damn time.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

More than 10K

Just before 3am on November third I crossed the 10,000 word mark.  This is quite an accomplishment to me and it means I am one-fifth of the way done with my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days in just 3 days.  Now I have to give my stupid computer a nap.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween and Nanowrimo Day 1- 1845 words and counting.

After only sleeping about 2 hours I got to Danielle's house just after 1pm.  Danielle drove herself, her mom, and myself over to pick up John and then on to the movie theater.  I used one of my last two $5 gift certificates and added a dollar to get my ticket.  We saw the 2:15pm showing of "Life as We Know It".  The movie was pretty good.  Had a lot more sad parts than I thought it would.  There was a staticy  speaker near us in the theater that was quite distracting.  The popcorn was good with the Kernel Seasons Parmesan and Garlic topping.  We then took Linda home and went over to the house where Emma is house sitting.  There is no internet or tv there.  They have computers and they have a tv but neither are hooked up.  We ordered pizza and then left Emma there and ran over to Target to get some candy in case there were any trick or treaters.  They bought 2 bags of chocolates and we had a total of 3 trick or treaters come to the door.  We ate the rest of the candy.  I bought a box of little debbie brownies and a box of donut holes...writing fuel.  It came up to just under $4.  We spent half the evening telling John stories so I could get more detailed notes (I brought my computer with me) and then we played Scrabble.  John found Scrabble a very stressful game and will probably never want to play again.  Danielle won by quite a few points and me and Emma tied for second.

It was about 12:30am when I got home which meant that NaNoWriMo had officially started.  I did a quick skim through email and facebook and started writing at 1am.  By 2:15am I had 1845 words completed.  In order to finish 50,000 words in 30 days you need to write 1667 words a day.  If I give myself 2 days off (which would probably include Thanksgiving and hopefully a trip to Disneyland since my voucher expires early next month) I would have to write 1786 words a day.  So I've got a pretty good start.  I may write more later today.  Will just have to see how the day goes.  It being the first of the month I have to pay my rent either today or by tomorrow.


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