Sunday, June 28, 2009

Will You Be There?

Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

When weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show It To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me) Show me
(Lay Your Head Lowly) Told me
(Softly Then Boldly) Yeah
(Carry Me There) I'm only human

(Lead Me) Hold me
(Love Me And Feed Me) Yeeaah
(Kiss Me And Free Me) Yeah
(I Will Feel Blessed) I'm only human

(Carry) Carry
(Carry Me Boldly) Carry
(Lift Me Up Slowly) Yeah
(Carry Me There) I'm only human

(Save Me) Need me
(Heal Me And Bathe Me) Lift me up lift me up
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There) I will be there

(Lift Me) Lonely
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly) Yeah
(Show Me You Care) Will you be there?

(Hold Me) Woo!
(Lay Your Head Lowly) I get lonely sometimes
(Softly Then Boldly) I get lonely yeah yeah
(Carry Me There) Will you be there?

(Need Me) Woo!
(Love Me And Feed Me) Lift me up pull me up
(Kiss Me And Free Me) Lift me up sometime oh some time
(I Will Feel Blessed) Blessed

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

He had the talent to express himself in ways I never will. In ways most people can't. I have always loved this song, related to this song, and related to him through this song. Right now though I cannot listen to it without seeing his body being taken to that helicopter and lifted into it and then flown away. I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear this song again without picturing that and feeling despair for all those who loved him and for him and all that he went through in his troubled life.

The Dance

Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occassion when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moment,s I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists.
I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then it is the eternal dance of creation. The creater and creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing...and dancing...and dancing, until there is only...the dance.

Now playing: Michael Jackson - Will You Be There
via FoxyTunes

Friday, June 26, 2009

Rambling about how MJ passing sent my brain into a whirl

Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Bartender
via FoxyTunes Two very famous people died today. Farrah Faucet died this morning but everyone knew it was coming. The real shocker came this afternoon.

Today was thursday which meant I had to go to the music group at the mental health clinic. I woke up later than I'd intended...kept hitting snooze and got up with barely enough time to rush around getting ready and got to group just barely on time. I had not seen any news or anything and had no idea Farrah Faucet had passed or anything going on.

When I left the clinic I was listening to songs on my ipod through my
car speakers so didn't hear anything on the radio. At grandma's house the twins were watching cartoons but when mom got home a short while after I got there the kids went outside to play and mom turned the channel and all the channels were breaking news. I was at the back door seeing what the twins were wanting to show me when my mom said "Michael Jackson died!" and I didn't believe her. It couldn't be true he was just on tv not long ago talking about the concerts he was going to be doing in July that were all sold out almost immediatly in London.

But sure enough every channel was Breaking news "Michael Jackson dead at 50" and we watched in shock as they showed all the people gathering outside of UCLA medical center where he had been taken by ambulence as well as all the people gathering outside the home he was renting nearby there. We watched as they took his body wrapped in white linens into a green helicopter and flew it to the coroners office at USC. It's fitting that he flew away in green just like Peter Pan. The tv has been continually about the death of the King of Pop with brief mentions of the loss of Farah Faucet from time to time. The radio has been playing his music throughout the day as well. When I got in my car to run to the library to print the email about the Warped Tour VIP passes I won the first thing I heard was an old Jackson 5 song followed by one of Michael Jackson's solo hits and brief talk between songs about the loss of an icon.

I feel shocked. Have felt a weird shocked anxious feeling all day since I heard my mom say Michael Jackson was dead. It's weird. I've never met this man, never even been anywhere near him. I've seen him on tv many times, have a few of his cds, remember watching his 3D show at Disneyland as a kid "captain EO" and seeing and hearing about this man my entire life. He was an AMAZING dancer, songwriter and singer.

He has had several scandals and such. He was often described as "ecentric" or much worse but no one could ever deny his talent as a musical artist.

The news has reported that just last night he was at the Staples center rehearsing for his upcoming concert and there was no sign of anything being wrong. Today at 12:21 in the afternoon though 911 received a call from Michael Jackson's home and around 3pm today the news was spreading all over the internet, the television, and the radio about his death. The thought that this man was only 2 years older than my mom and is now suddenly dead. Gone from this world with no warning. A man who was physically fit enough to do amazing dances even in heavy costumes is suddenly dead from what is being reported as "cardiac arrest" or "in a coma" is so weird. Scary. He was an icon. How can he just be gone like that? And if he could die with no warning so could ANYONE. There may have been things going on that the public didn't know about, actually I'm sure there was. The sherrifs office have been at his home all afternoon and evening investigating his death and there were reports of prescriptions bottles found near his body when paramedics arrived but still no one's health is perfect and he was just rehearsing less than a day before he died and no one knew that'd be the LAST time he'd ever dance. It's just making me think about how quickly someone can just be gone and gone forever. I never thought
Michael Jackson would be gone. At least not until he was old and out of the spotlight for years and years. He's got 3 children and the oldest is only about 12. No one has spoken of where his children are
now or were this afternoon as their father died. They were always with their father. He had 100% custody and their mothers were not really in the kids life so where does that leave these kids now? They've lost the most important person in their life how do they face that? I don't know how I'd deal if something happened to my mom. And what about Michael's mother? How do you deal with the loss of your own child? Especially a mother. She carried him inside her body for like 9 months. And now he's gone and she'll never see him in this life again. And all the media surrounding their home and wanting to know what she's thinking and doing....she's just lost her son. She is grieving. What is going to happen to her grandchildren? I know people are curious. I'm curious. I know people want to show the family and Michael that they care and loved him, even idolized him but the family needs to be left alone. Let them deal with this incredible loss they don't need any extra pressure put on them. Losing someone you love is never an easy thing. The paparazzi can only make it harder on them.

I just keep thinking about how sudden this was and how anyone even
someone close to me could be gone just as quick with no warning. It
scares me so much. My mom grew up watching the Jackson's grow up right along with her. If someone who has plenty of money for doctors, securtiy etc be gone just like that so can my family who has barely enough money to pay the bills. My mom and sister and brother don't even have any insurance so don't have any regular medical care. Just the thought that something could take away someone I love scares the crap out of me. I try not to think about stuff like that. My grandma is 80 years old and not very active. She's much closer to the end of her life than the beginning but how could I ever go on if she was gone or my mom was gone or any of my siblings? My eyes fill with tears just thinking about it.

Tomorrow morning me and Dillon will be going to the first show of the 2009 Warped tour. I won 2 VIP tickets with side of stage passes for any one band of our choice. I plan to leave here around 9am to go pick him up so we can get to the fair grounds and in line at the Will Call window to contact the person who I've been instructed to contact to get our passes. I went to the library this afternoon to print the email so I have the info with me.

On tuesday I received a phone call telling me about this win and the
lady then sent me an email with the information. The email I got was this:

Hi Jennelle!

Congratulations again on winning a pair of tickets, two VIP passes, and side stage access to the band of your choice for the Warped Tour 2009 VIP Sweepstakes! Your tickets are for the June 26th, 2009 concert in Pomona, CA at the Pomona Fairplex! You will be able to claim your tickets the day of the show at Will Call under your name. Please be sure to bring a valid photo ID when picking them up. The tickets are NON-TRANSFERABLE.

Also, please keep in mind that the line up and set-times for each festival date varies, and is decided the morning of. Try to get there early to avoid missing your favorite band! Check the list of bands that will be performing on June 26th by clicking on the following link – Warped Tour Dates.

Followed by a paragraph giving me the name of who to contact when we arrive as well as another name and phone number and email to contact if we have any questions before hand. And closed with:

We hope you have a great time!



I wish this anxious/sad/shocked feeling would go away. I've never had the death of a celebrity effect me so strongly. The few loved ones
I've lost did not effect me this way because I was just a child. I don't really remember exactly how I felt when they died. I think this is effecting me more because of how unexptected it was than who it was, but MJ was someone who has been part of my life in some way for my entire life. His death is the end of an era. My mom talking about seeing him on tv as a kid makes me remember that my mom is only 2 years younger than this man was. 2 years is nothing. Two years ago my life was pretty much just like it is now. Not a whole lot has really changed in 2 years. When you're a kid 2 Years is an eternity but as an adult its just a short while ago. Like its been NINE years since I graduated high school but it feels like it could have been just months ago when I was in high school, seeing Marcie every day, spending most afternoons and evenings over at the theater or in the drama room getting ready for the next show that was always right around the corner.

Many celebrietties have have made statements today about the losses of Farrah Faucent and even more so of Michael Jackson. John Mayer, Darren Hayes, Madonna, Ellen Degeneres, and many many many others have all posted to twitter and other places how shocking and devestating the news has been today. Today has been a very sad day for the world.

Today will be looked back on years from now. Just like when Elvis
died, Lennon died, Kennedy died, etc etc and 9/11 people will ask
"where were you when you heard?" or "what were you doing when you found out?"

Its weird that I picked up a book I found in a box written in like 1983
about Michael Jackson just day before yesterday and have read a few
chapters just last night and this morning then this afternoon he's gone. In group today the song I picked to play was "The Great Big
" by Darren Hayes which looking back at all the world news coverage today is a weird coincidence. The news talked almost exclusively about MJ today with the occasional "To learn about the rest of today's news go to our website...". That's EXACTLY what Darren Hayes is talking about in the song. Celebrity's are talked about extensively while all other news is like an afterthought, a "by the way" type thing. Just amazes me the priorities of this world.

Some messages I've seen today online about this sad day:

@darrenhayes I wrote a few words about how I feel about Michael.

@alyankovic Oh man. Can't believe it. RIP Michael Jackson.

@modlifeinc - Our hearts goes out to the Jackson's family. RIP Michael you were a good man!

@taylorswift13 It just doesn't feel real.. Everyone is walking around
backstage saying "Have you heard?".

@coldplay MJ was the best of the best. His music and performances made the world a brighter place. His light will shine on forever. Coldplay


Dazed in the studio. A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us. RIP MJ.

I think we'll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.

I truly hope he is memorialized as the '83 moonwalking, MTV owning, mesmerizing, unstoppable, invincible Michael Jackson.

All you need is love, love! Love is all you nee(love is all you need!) love is all you nee(love is all you)rocking on studio with MJ love.

Michael Jackson, like James Brown and Prince, are nearly uncoverable. The tunes were about his innate talent and can't really be replicated.

@TheEllenShow So sad to hear about Michael Jackson. His music changed our lives. The world has lost an amazing singer and dancer. I will miss him.

Deepak_ChopraA Tribute to My Friend, Michael Jackson

There are many many other statements out there but these are the ones I've paid attention to.

Rest In Peace Ed McMahon, Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson and I know the Lord is with their families in these tough times.

I will remember MJ most for Captain Eo and Thriller. Amazing work. I always think of Captain EO when I see the building next to Space Mountain that is now Honey I Shunk The Audience but used to be Captain Eo's home.

Someone has already put a song out in tribute to MJ...