Saturday, November 12, 2005

mom hates me

I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out. I want to die and I need to cut more. I already made 100 tiny cuts but its not good enough. I’m not good enough. My mom is mad and everything is my fault. Its my fault that mando is such an asshole. Its my fault for having friends I confide in. mom made me hang up the phone when she called earlier so I wouldn’t tell anybody anything she said. Now I’m supposed to go over and help her move here. She don’t want me around but grandma says I have to go. I hate being around my mom when shes in a bad mood. I just want to keep cutting, deeper, wider. I cant stop crying. I want it all to end. I hate life. I hate being miserable. They’re all moving in here so now theres no escape from my moms moods and the babies fighting and all the noise. Theres no escape. I’m stuck. I can’t stand it. Please Lord, oh please take me away from my life. Please make it all end. Please take me away so I don’t hurt, anger, upset anyone. Please let me cut deep enough finally. I don’t understand what it is I did that was so bad to make my mom hate me.



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