Sunday, November 22, 2009

not functioning very well

Been not really functioning lately. Feel like shit all the time. Have been leaning on my friends way too much and am so scared they'll get sick of me and go away forever. That is how life works after all.

I hurt all over all the time. And itch. I feel like a big acheing bruise. And so tired. Never have any energy at all. I just want to die.

My mom and grandma are constantly nagging me about coloring my hair but they just do not understand how bad the migraines are the damn dye causes and according to them the natural ones everyone else said to try aren't good enough. Nothing is good enough.

Danielle and JohnJohn have gone waaaaaaay above and beyond anything I deserve and been there for me a LOT. I need to pull away from them before its too late.

Almost got to go to Disneyland on friday but grandma decided we couldn't. It's frustrating and depressing.

Everything is frustrating, depressing and hopeless.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

a very shitty day it took me weeks to post about

I'm acheing. I'm itchy. I'm thirsty. I'm tired. My head hurts.

I went with mom and the twins trick or treating around Glendora.

Afterwards the plan was to go to karaoke with John and Danielle but no one

was having karaoke so we played Wii Fit instead. We laughed a lot. Both

with the twins and with John and Danielle.


Taking the kids to school so often is really taking a toll on me. I'm

constantly exhausted. And constantly frustrated. Aggravated.


On thursday (november 5)I had the day from hell. It started with a phone

call saying my intake at the mental health clinic had to be changed. I

have been trying to get into the clinic since about August or September. I

was supposed to finally have my intake this coming monday but now it's been

changed again to december.

Then I went to my appointment at the social security office and was told

theyr'e gonna be taking 10% of my check a month until I make up for the

"overpayment" since I won that sweepstakes a year and a half ago. Theyr'e

taking away the amount I won. I can't ever get ahead. As it is I can't

get all my bills paid each month without help and end up with like $4 in

the bank at the end of the month. I told her there's no way I can survive

with $85 less a month. She said when I get the letter to call and work out

a different payment plan.

After that mom sent me to get a hair cut and then to get the lice shampoo

kit. The stupid hair cut lady asked lots of questions about what I do for

work or school and why I'm not in school or have a job. We spent a long

time making sure there was NO lice in my hair. My back and legs killed me

from leaning over the sink trying to get all of the shampoo stuff rinsed


Housing Authority called while we were working through my hair and wanted

me tocome out to their main office the next morning. I can't get to Sante

Fe Springs on my own. Mom got aggravated that she would have to take me

out there.

My mom sent me on errands to the store and to pick up the H.Salt fish she

ordered. I ate too much and ended up feeling sick. I then had to sit

around forever waiting for Dillon to be ready to leave. He was gong to his

friend's house to celebrate a birthday. It was like nine pm when I finally

got home, exhausted. I then had to take apart the couch and the bed and

vacuum and spray everything and do laundry.

When I got home my computer refused to come on and took a couple hours to

get to work. Then my washer flooded the kitchen again.