Saturday, July 17, 2010


Fifty five years ago Disneyland opened.  I so miss having the luxery of going there often.  It's been 7 and a half months since my last visit to the Happiest Place on Earth.  No one understands that for me it truly is the Happiest Place on Earth.  I need that escape.  But I can't afford it.  I can't afford anything.  I feel guilty for even having the air consditioner on yet again even though I've used it most of the day today and most of the day for the last week because it gets so hot I end up covered in sweat and my computer doesn't work and wiith the housing inspector coming on Wednesday I really need to get this place cleaned up and just can't do that when I'm too hot.
I'm depressed.  I'm hopeless.  I'm always in pain and there is no doctor for me.  I tried figuring out the stupid medi-cal packet but can't.  I tried getting help but there is no help.  So I have no doctor and will not be getting a doctor and so I will just continue to be in pain.  Life just sucks.  I try really really hard to pretend everything is ok but it's not and never really is.  No one understands how exhausting it is for me.  I'm sorry.



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