Wednesday, July 7, 2010

4th of July

It's July now.  Fourth of July pretty much sucked but I pretneded to enjoy myself as best as I could.  Danielle finally called about 4pm and I then had an hour to get to her house.  My mom said if I stopped by her house on my way she would give me some money so I got $20 so I could have some dinner or pay admission to whereever it was we were going...though no one really gave me a straight answer about where that was.  I got over to Danielle's just a couple minutes past 5pm and then a few minutes later Danielle, John and I went and picked up Emma from the fireworks stand she was working at next to Toyopros to raise money for her church trip to Thailand later this month.  Then we went to Goofios house.  All this time we'd been rushing around to get to Goofio's house only to sit around and wait and wait for Brianna and Goofio to finally actually get ready and leave.  Then John, Danielle, Emma, Goofio, Brianna, myself and some guy I dont know that was over at their house walked a few blocks to some school I guess it was that was having a carnaval and fireworks show.  By the time we got there it was only about 5 minutes until the show started and they'd stopped charging admission.  They wanted to play at the carnaval and so we did not have a very good spot to hear the music that went with the fireworks and I guess it was the grass has my eyes burning and my sinuses acting up as well as some of my friends.  Eventually after the show we managed to get everyone to walk back to Goofio's place and then eventually got them to leave to go get food since some of us had not eaten dinner.  We ended up at Denny's.  I had french toast with strawberries on them from their $2,4,6,8 menu.  The conversations there just left me feeling more left out and depressed.  They talked about 401ks, their retirement plans, their health coverage, etc.   They also talked about John and Danielle's upcoming trip to Hawaii.  Goofio talked about going to Vegas soon.  Blah blah blah.  I, as usual, cried when I was finally alone again.

Being with others just makes me feel even more alone and crappy.  I hate life and I hate myself.  The talk of the damn reunion didn't help anything either.  I'm such a loser. I wish I could disappear.