Wednesday, May 16, 2007

depressed but trying to be "fine"

I feel depressed but I've spent all day trying real hard to be fine and happy. I pretended I was in a good mood at clubhouse even though the inside people were jabbering away about how fat I am as I ate my piece of cake. I talked to Elaine as if I was having a good day. I'm only having a good enough day to fakke it. Ididmanage to havesome fun this afternoonafter a nap. Then Imanaged to get a couple of the dishes donebutnot all of them. Istill can't get all the egg out of my pan from when Imade scrambled eggs the othernight. (I hate my spacebar.) I've tried cleaning it several times including right after i ate the eggs. I just can't seem to get all the egg scraped off. THey talked in group today about how important it is to be completely honestwith your treatment team. I never tell anyone at the clinic about the things I see and very little about what I hear. I don't think anyoneat the clinic even knows about the bad man. ohwell.



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