Wednesday, May 9, 2007

tired of faking it

I try real hard to hide how deeply depressedI am and how bad the "psychosis" is. My family has no clue I'm even depressed at all. They would just say I'm using it as an excuse for being a lazy slob. I wish i had the energy and motivation to get my apartment clean andkeep it that way. i just feel so shit. so stupid. so empty. so useless. so selfish bitchy. so broked.

i hate myself and i want to die. i wish i could die without hurting anybody but i haven't figured out how to do that so i'm stuck here pretending to be fine. I soo want to just give up on the show and let everyone know how much i hate myself and i want to die. i laugh at the jokes. i say "I'm okay" "i'm fine" "i'll get it done" "thats funny" and "i'm sorry"

why bother with school work? I'mgoing to get a bad grade in at least two of my classes. my online classes. i suck at typing and i suck at the tests and the review questions for the psych class.

i just want it all to end...i wishi could end my life somehow...

i'm sorry



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