Saturday, March 29, 2008

Goodbye Dr. Bellman, hello teeth

I saw Dr. Bellman for the last time. She was a good therapist I think. I hope she has a good life. She's very nice.

So I'm not longer in therapy. No longer on antidepressants or mood stabilizers. No longer on antipsychotics. Sounds like that means I'm doing good but it doesn't. I'm depressed. Anxious as hell (despite the highest dose of buspar the dr can give me) and the inside people are kind of loud tonight. Most of the depression is because i'm so tired of hurting. I'm always in pain. I have lortab in me right now which eased the pain enough to allow me to fix and then actually eat a can of soup but I'm still hurting. It's mainly my back but everything hurts. I don't feel good at all. I havne't felt "good" in a long long time. I hurt all over. My stomach hurts. My dinner isn't sitting well. I'm shaking. I just feel icky.

I spent over four hours at the dentist today but at least now I have front teeth. It's a temporary bridge. He told me to be very careful with it and he also told me I don't take good care of my teeth and that I need to be still. I can't help it but my leg is always shaking. Its the anxiety. I try so hard to control it but i can't keep still. Everyone is always scolding me for it. It's embarrrassing and frustrating. I hate it. I dont know how to make it stop.

I need everything to stop

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