Monday, March 31, 2008

I don't need you to help me me like shit!

It seems like everyone I talk to anymore can't wait to tell me I'm not doing good enough. I KNOW THIS ALREADY! Ok?

I DO try! I HAVE tried! I DO listen to you but I'm not good enough. I'm not as strong as you. I'm not as convincing as you. I'm not as good as you. I just can't do it.

I know you try to help me. I DO appreciate it. The help I need is someone to make the pain stop. You just can't do that through a keyboard. I'm sorry. I need pain meds or something.

I know I complain too much. I know its feeding the ego and all that shit. I just can't seem to stop myself though. I know everyones tired of hearing it but so am I. I know that means I should stop complaining but its not that easy. I try all the time not to complain and yet I still complain constantly.

If you think I like being miserable your wrong.

Everyone blames this on me going off psych meds but I was just as miserable while I was on the stupid pills. Yes I'm depressed. I'm broke all the time and I am feeling like shit physically all the time. I can't get doctors to help me. It don't seem like it matters what I do or don't do someone is always upset with me. So how can I NOT be depressed?

I feel shitty. I don't need anyone telling me I'm not trying not hard enough. I don't need anyone telling me I'm being negative. I don't need anyone telling me I'm lying. I don't need someone telling me everything I say is bullshit. ok?