I finished reading the Stephen King/Peter Straub book, The Talisman, the other day I guess it was and am now reading the book Multiple Bles8ings about and by the Gosselin family.
I'm not in a good mood which is not uncommon. I ended up SIing earlier. Just feeling like crap with no real reason that I can identify. I wish everything would just end. Everything being me. I just want to disappear.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
last.fm
I have recently discovered last.fm. It is a website that keeps
track of what you listen to and you can see what your friends are
listening to and see how compatable you are musically with them. It
also lets you stream music and makes recommendations for other music
you may like. It involves installing software but hasn't seemed to
cause any problems with my computer.
I've been trying to get all my music into itunes and properly
labeled. I only have 3300 songs on my ipod but have nearly 4500 on
itunes currently. Need to transfer them to the ipod but want to fix
as many of the tags as possible first. Next time I plug my ipod
into the computer I also plan to move some videos I've taken and
photos onto it.
Speaking of photos I need to upload all the Christmas pictures and New Years and Dillon's birthday pictures to the computer and have a lot of pictures I haven't uploaded to photobucket yet either. There are many many things I haven't done I want or need to get done.
track of what you listen to and you can see what your friends are
listening to and see how compatable you are musically with them. It
also lets you stream music and makes recommendations for other music
you may like. It involves installing software but hasn't seemed to
cause any problems with my computer.
I've been trying to get all my music into itunes and properly
labeled. I only have 3300 songs on my ipod but have nearly 4500 on
itunes currently. Need to transfer them to the ipod but want to fix
as many of the tags as possible first. Next time I plug my ipod
into the computer I also plan to move some videos I've taken and
photos onto it.
Speaking of photos I need to upload all the Christmas pictures and New Years and Dillon's birthday pictures to the computer and have a lot of pictures I haven't uploaded to photobucket yet either. There are many many things I haven't done I want or need to get done.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My brother is an adult!
For Dillon's 18th birthday I picked him up from school at lunch time and we went to Arby's and then headed to Disneyland Resort. The parks were not busy at all which was nice. He got a $69 disney gift card to use for merchandise within the parks and bought himself a hat and a tshirt and I spent part of it on a new necklace thingy to carry my annual pass and fastpasses in when we are there and several postcards. I am going to pay him back for those. After the park closed at 8pm we went to City Hall on Main Street and got directions to Sonic Drive-in resturant and ate there. Then we got majorly lost driving home and had to ask for directions twice, neither of the people we asked spoke english very well and made me even more confused.
On friday night I went over to their house for pizza and cake. I came home and worked on a list.
On Saturday night John, Danielle, and their friend Britney came over and we ordered pizza and played Wii Fit and Life: Twists and turns. I won the board game this time.
On friday night I went over to their house for pizza and cake. I came home and worked on a list.
On Saturday night John, Danielle, and their friend Britney came over and we ordered pizza and played Wii Fit and Life: Twists and turns. I won the board game this time.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
First real blog entry of 2009
It’s been a really long time since I actually posted a blog entry. Christmas and new years came and went. My mom went nuts with Christmas. The twins got a swingset. Kylee got a Dell Inspiron laptop. Dillon got a really high-end camera. I got a Wii and a Wii Fit. We all got many other things as well.
One of the twins got me a little tool set in a plastic box shaped like a hammer. The other got me these 3 little ceramic (or some kind of breakable) bears. Dillon got me a pretty blue blouse (that I haven’t worn yet) and a set of 5 tins of fruit flavored green teas. Pear, Strawberry, Raspberry, Kiwi, and Orange. Kylee got me an adapter so I can listen to my ipod through my cassette player in the car, 2 sets of thermals, 4 pairs of cute socks, and 2 Robin William films on DVD (Man of the Year and Flubber).
Besides the Wii and Wii Fit I also had many other gifts under the tree from mom and of course Santa Claus. In my stocking I had the usual cookies and candies including a bag of Pepperidge Farm Mint Millano cookies (my favorite!). There was also a $10 gift certificate for the cheap movie theater near the college. Under the tree was the book The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowlin. I got a 4GB flash drive. A pedometer. Rascal Flatts Greatest Hits Volume 1 CD, two of Jeff Dunham’s DVDs (Arguing with myself and Very special Christmas Special), and some clothes. A pink tinker bell sweat jacket, 2 pairs of jeans (blue and black), a gray Happy Bunny sweatshirt that says Whatever on it, a white Elmo sweatshirt, and a long sleeve pink blouse. I also got a VCR/DVD player.
On Christmas eve Santa came and visited with us and brought in a bag mom had set out with a gift for each of us. We took pics with him and he and the “elf” were both funny and it was a nice visit. I got the other book I was really wanting which is “Multiple Blessings” by Jon and Kate Gosselin with someone else as well.
After Santa came and went I took Dillon by Kmart (only store still open at that point) so he could get mom some perfume since he hadn’t gotten her anything yet since he couldn’t decide what to get. Then me and Dillon went to JohnJohn’s house. Kylee went to her girl friend Tricia’s house. At John’s we played a game called Boxers or Briefs and then did the white elephant gift exchange. I ended up with a candle and some bath salts. Dillon got lottery scratcher tickets. I think he won about $7 on them. I have been burning my Christmas cookie scented candle but have not tried the bath salt since I usually shower instead of takin actual baths.
I asked John and Danielle to come over on the 27th and they came over and helped me get the wii and my dvd player hooked up and JohnJohn got them both working and we played the wii fit for quite a while.
On New Years Eve John and Danielle picked me up and we went to Staters to get some snacks to take with us to Goofio and Brianna’s apartment. We had to drive way out through stinky dairy land to pick Emma up. Tricia and a lesbian couple were also at the apartment with their little dog. Brianna’s 4 year old daughter was there too as was their Chihuahua named Chacha. Their tv wasn’t working so we didn’t see the ball drop or anything. We sat around and munched on food and talked. There was a lot of alcohol being consumed but no one drove home drunk. Danielle only had a sip or two of a drink called Hot Sex or something like that. I had a glass of it. It’s kind of chocolatey and alcoholic. It was just one glass and I nursed it for quite a long time because I wasn’t sure how my stomach would react to alcohol now. I didn’t get even buzzed and I didn’t really have any more problems with my stomach than I do any other day.
I’ve tried to use the Wii fit every day. At first I was doing it 15 minutes a day. It has a little bank where it credits you minutes for each activity you do. It can take like half an hour for 15 minutes credit with instructions and going from activity to activity. Now I try to do 30 minutes a day and occasionally even do 45 minutes. I am sooooo sore now. All over. Especially my stomach.
John and Danielle brought over a friend of theres one night this past weekend. I am nice to this girl they brought but do not really care much for her. She is selfish. When I met her once before at JohnJohn’s nephew’s birthday party in the summer she insisted I give her a ride home when I left the party early because I was in so much pain I needed to get home and lay down and I didn’t have the energy in me to argue with her so I took her home, way out of my way and got lost and was so miserable and she didn’t even really say thank you. The Wii told me yesterday it was her birthday. I’m pretty sure she and John and Daniel and who knows who else went to Vegas this weekend to celebrate her 21st birthday.
Also a note to anyone in my address book: The invite to Winster went to entire email address book by mistake including the blog! I am so mad about that. Sorry to anyone who received an unwanted invite.
One of the twins got me a little tool set in a plastic box shaped like a hammer. The other got me these 3 little ceramic (or some kind of breakable) bears. Dillon got me a pretty blue blouse (that I haven’t worn yet) and a set of 5 tins of fruit flavored green teas. Pear, Strawberry, Raspberry, Kiwi, and Orange. Kylee got me an adapter so I can listen to my ipod through my cassette player in the car, 2 sets of thermals, 4 pairs of cute socks, and 2 Robin William films on DVD (Man of the Year and Flubber).
Besides the Wii and Wii Fit I also had many other gifts under the tree from mom and of course Santa Claus. In my stocking I had the usual cookies and candies including a bag of Pepperidge Farm Mint Millano cookies (my favorite!). There was also a $10 gift certificate for the cheap movie theater near the college. Under the tree was the book The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowlin. I got a 4GB flash drive. A pedometer. Rascal Flatts Greatest Hits Volume 1 CD, two of Jeff Dunham’s DVDs (Arguing with myself and Very special Christmas Special), and some clothes. A pink tinker bell sweat jacket, 2 pairs of jeans (blue and black), a gray Happy Bunny sweatshirt that says Whatever on it, a white Elmo sweatshirt, and a long sleeve pink blouse. I also got a VCR/DVD player.
On Christmas eve Santa came and visited with us and brought in a bag mom had set out with a gift for each of us. We took pics with him and he and the “elf” were both funny and it was a nice visit. I got the other book I was really wanting which is “Multiple Blessings” by Jon and Kate Gosselin with someone else as well.
After Santa came and went I took Dillon by Kmart (only store still open at that point) so he could get mom some perfume since he hadn’t gotten her anything yet since he couldn’t decide what to get. Then me and Dillon went to JohnJohn’s house. Kylee went to her girl friend Tricia’s house. At John’s we played a game called Boxers or Briefs and then did the white elephant gift exchange. I ended up with a candle and some bath salts. Dillon got lottery scratcher tickets. I think he won about $7 on them. I have been burning my Christmas cookie scented candle but have not tried the bath salt since I usually shower instead of takin actual baths.
I asked John and Danielle to come over on the 27th and they came over and helped me get the wii and my dvd player hooked up and JohnJohn got them both working and we played the wii fit for quite a while.
On New Years Eve John and Danielle picked me up and we went to Staters to get some snacks to take with us to Goofio and Brianna’s apartment. We had to drive way out through stinky dairy land to pick Emma up. Tricia and a lesbian couple were also at the apartment with their little dog. Brianna’s 4 year old daughter was there too as was their Chihuahua named Chacha. Their tv wasn’t working so we didn’t see the ball drop or anything. We sat around and munched on food and talked. There was a lot of alcohol being consumed but no one drove home drunk. Danielle only had a sip or two of a drink called Hot Sex or something like that. I had a glass of it. It’s kind of chocolatey and alcoholic. It was just one glass and I nursed it for quite a long time because I wasn’t sure how my stomach would react to alcohol now. I didn’t get even buzzed and I didn’t really have any more problems with my stomach than I do any other day.
I’ve tried to use the Wii fit every day. At first I was doing it 15 minutes a day. It has a little bank where it credits you minutes for each activity you do. It can take like half an hour for 15 minutes credit with instructions and going from activity to activity. Now I try to do 30 minutes a day and occasionally even do 45 minutes. I am sooooo sore now. All over. Especially my stomach.
John and Danielle brought over a friend of theres one night this past weekend. I am nice to this girl they brought but do not really care much for her. She is selfish. When I met her once before at JohnJohn’s nephew’s birthday party in the summer she insisted I give her a ride home when I left the party early because I was in so much pain I needed to get home and lay down and I didn’t have the energy in me to argue with her so I took her home, way out of my way and got lost and was so miserable and she didn’t even really say thank you. The Wii told me yesterday it was her birthday. I’m pretty sure she and John and Daniel and who knows who else went to Vegas this weekend to celebrate her 21st birthday.
Also a note to anyone in my address book: The invite to Winster went to entire email address book by mistake including the blog! I am so mad about that. Sorry to anyone who received an unwanted invite.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Re: Invitation from your friend jennelle henderson
Earlier, jennelle henderson sent you an invitation to play on
Winster.com but hasn't heard from you yet.
By playing together, you and jennelle can help each other win prizes faster.
jennelle has arranged for you to start with 700,000 points towards your
first 1,000,000 point prize, so you don't have far to go.
To respond, click the following link (or cut and past it into the address bar
in your browser):
http://www.winster.com/secure/landingRaf.jsp?act=signup&mf=true&rid=932202&promoCode=v-r1_raf_rid-932202_email-confusedalot.skybluefusion@blogger.com&fn=jennelle henderson&em=confusedalot.skybluefusion@blogger.com
Thanks for helping!
You received this message because jennelle henderson (bleuteam@gmail.com) invited you to participate in this promotion. If you do not wish to receive messages from Winster, please email unsub-int@winster.com with "UNSUBSCRIBE" in the subject line.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
jennelle henderson has invited you to join Winster :)
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Thursday, December 18, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
general stuff
I'm always hungry lately. I'm gonna have a hard time keepin my weight down if this continues. My weight has come back down a couple pounds since my halloween candy pig-outs though. I'm 172 or so now I think.
I'm so sick of the pain. Every so often it'll hit really bad all at once. EVERYTHING hurts with my back, stomach, and chest being the worst. I have a hard time breathing when this happens. Tears roll down my face and I grope around and take some pain meds and then do whatever I can to try to get a little relief. Half an hour or 45 minutes later the pain will start to lift a bit.
I'm thirsty all the time too. Like ten minutes after having something to drink I feel like I haven't had a drink in many many hours. My mouth is always so dry. Not sure why. Maybe it's from meds but I don't know which one(s).
I have been slowly cleaning and organizing my apartment. Very slowly but it's getting better little by little. I've also been reading a lot. I have several bibles I read, some are more devotionals than bibles though. I've been reading The Dead Zone by Stephen King. I've also been reading a book called Asylums which is a collection of essays on total institutions that focuses mostly on mental hospitals. I've also been going through old magazines and reading any interesting bits before I throw them out.
Mom came over monday morning right after taking the twins to school. She helped me clean my kitchen and bathroom real good and would have stayed and helped more but the twins had minimum day and got out at 11:30am and she just didn't have any more time.
I finished reading the Stephen King book, The Dead Zone, on Tuesday morning. I then started reading the nearest book I saw which happened to be a "Heartwarming inspirational romance" that was a "free gift" and says so on the cover. The book is "Rainbow's End" by Irene Hannon.
I keep getting itchy. Everything will itch and no matter what I do I can't make it stop. My nose and eyes drive me nuts, my back will drive me crazy, and everything else itches too all at the same time til I wish I could just scream or die!
I'm so sick of the pain. Every so often it'll hit really bad all at once. EVERYTHING hurts with my back, stomach, and chest being the worst. I have a hard time breathing when this happens. Tears roll down my face and I grope around and take some pain meds and then do whatever I can to try to get a little relief. Half an hour or 45 minutes later the pain will start to lift a bit.
I'm thirsty all the time too. Like ten minutes after having something to drink I feel like I haven't had a drink in many many hours. My mouth is always so dry. Not sure why. Maybe it's from meds but I don't know which one(s).
I have been slowly cleaning and organizing my apartment. Very slowly but it's getting better little by little. I've also been reading a lot. I have several bibles I read, some are more devotionals than bibles though. I've been reading The Dead Zone by Stephen King. I've also been reading a book called Asylums which is a collection of essays on total institutions that focuses mostly on mental hospitals. I've also been going through old magazines and reading any interesting bits before I throw them out.
Mom came over monday morning right after taking the twins to school. She helped me clean my kitchen and bathroom real good and would have stayed and helped more but the twins had minimum day and got out at 11:30am and she just didn't have any more time.
I finished reading the Stephen King book, The Dead Zone, on Tuesday morning. I then started reading the nearest book I saw which happened to be a "Heartwarming inspirational romance" that was a "free gift" and says so on the cover. The book is "Rainbow's End" by Irene Hannon.
I keep getting itchy. Everything will itch and no matter what I do I can't make it stop. My nose and eyes drive me nuts, my back will drive me crazy, and everything else itches too all at the same time til I wish I could just scream or die!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
preparing for inspection
This coming wednesday an inspector from the housing authority will be coming for the annual inspection of my apartment. Been working on cleaning it. Mom is supposed to come over one day this weekend because I tried to open the middle drawer of my nightstand and the whole front of the drawer just came off and she's going to try to fix it for me. She'll have the twins with her though.
I get really easily frustrated and really easily distracted so never really get much accomplished.
I get really easily frustrated and really easily distracted so never really get much accomplished.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
mail then sleep!
I'm trying to stick to a list. Trying to keep occupied and not give in to the desire/need to SI. I'm having a hard time not thinking about SI.
I'm washing clothes right now and listening to music.
The sun is up and I am thinking of brushing my teeth and hair and getting dressed and walking to the mailbox. I hate going outside but I haven't picked up my mail in quite some time and it gets dark early nowadays so I don't have much daylight left once I wake up in the afternoons.
___________
It's about 10am and I've brushed my teeth and gotten dressed. I'm going out to get the mail and then coming back and going to bed. I will set an alarm and try to go grocery shopping today.
I'm washing clothes right now and listening to music.
The sun is up and I am thinking of brushing my teeth and hair and getting dressed and walking to the mailbox. I hate going outside but I haven't picked up my mail in quite some time and it gets dark early nowadays so I don't have much daylight left once I wake up in the afternoons.
___________
It's about 10am and I've brushed my teeth and gotten dressed. I'm going out to get the mail and then coming back and going to bed. I will set an alarm and try to go grocery shopping today.
Lost the day
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday but missed it along with the rest of the day. My computer is kinda stupid and my G key is sticking and I'm really frustrated but workin on a list to keep busy. I cannot chat. Computer will not work well enough. I'll be tryin to back up my files so I can do somethin about this. The current list is:
1 Dead Zone
2 Stretch/exercise
3 Email
4 Livinroom
5 Bedroom
6 Bath/hall
7 Kitchen
8 Me
9 OLS
10 Student Bible
11 Floor
12 One Minute Bible
13 Music
14 Household Tips
15 Drawers
16 KJV
17 Xmas
18 Journals/Letters/Mail
19 Desk
20 Holy Bible
21 backup computer
22 Clothes
23 Women's Bible
24 Spark
25 Closet
26 Shopping
27 Asylums
28 Blog
29 Myspace/Facebook
30 Quotes
31 Surveys/Free/confusedalot
32 Journal
33 Sweeps
1 Dead Zone
2 Stretch/exercise
3 Email
4 Livinroom
5 Bedroom
6 Bath/hall
7 Kitchen
8 Me
9 OLS
10 Student Bible
11 Floor
12 One Minute Bible
13 Music
14 Household Tips
15 Drawers
16 KJV
17 Xmas
18 Journals/Letters/Mail
19 Desk
20 Holy Bible
21 backup computer
22 Clothes
23 Women's Bible
24 Spark
25 Closet
26 Shopping
27 Asylums
28 Blog
29 Myspace/Facebook
30 Quotes
31 Surveys/Free/confusedalot
32 Journal
33 Sweeps
Sunday, November 2, 2008
another multi-day post
Working on a list. A long list now. It varies a bit from run through to run through but the current list looks like this:
Pet Sematary
sweeps
livingroom
kitchen
bedroom
bathroom/hallway
me
email
student bible
magazines
one minute bible
clothes
king james version bible
spark
women's bible
myspace
blog
sweeps
holy bible
floor
closet
desk
pics
xmas
facebook
spam
music
journal
Mom came over after dropping kids off at school on Wednesday morning to help straighten things up before Danielle and Karen showed up. She hadn't left yet when Danielle and Karen got here but left right after they did. They sat and talked for just a few minutes and then we went for a walk. I hate the sun.
Spent Halloween doing not much. Watched a bunch of veggietales videos on youtube. I got dressed so that if any trick or treaters came to the door I was wearing something not stained etc and brushed my hair and stuff. Not a single person came to my door though. Lots of candy that I will have to eat all by myself now! I've had tons already. Bought 2 big bags of mixed candies at Ralphs on thursday evening and have already ate way too much of it.
I am almost constantly itchy and don't know why. Itchy everywhere. From the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and every where in between including my eyes, inside my ears, etc. I must be allergic to myself.
At 8:45am on saturday morning I am only on page 53 of 74 pages of Daily Sweeps. Not going to be able to do them all it seems.
I did not finish the sweeps saturday morning and as of 4amish sunday am on page 37 of 77 and that's with a spare hour due to the time change. Have been too easily distracted lately.
Pet Sematary
sweeps
livingroom
kitchen
bedroom
bathroom/hallway
me
student bible
magazines
one minute bible
clothes
king james version bible
spark
women's bible
myspace
blog
sweeps
holy bible
floor
closet
desk
pics
xmas
spam
music
journal
Mom came over after dropping kids off at school on Wednesday morning to help straighten things up before Danielle and Karen showed up. She hadn't left yet when Danielle and Karen got here but left right after they did. They sat and talked for just a few minutes and then we went for a walk. I hate the sun.
Spent Halloween doing not much. Watched a bunch of veggietales videos on youtube. I got dressed so that if any trick or treaters came to the door I was wearing something not stained etc and brushed my hair and stuff. Not a single person came to my door though. Lots of candy that I will have to eat all by myself now! I've had tons already. Bought 2 big bags of mixed candies at Ralphs on thursday evening and have already ate way too much of it.
I am almost constantly itchy and don't know why. Itchy everywhere. From the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and every where in between including my eyes, inside my ears, etc. I must be allergic to myself.
At 8:45am on saturday morning I am only on page 53 of 74 pages of Daily Sweeps. Not going to be able to do them all it seems.
I did not finish the sweeps saturday morning and as of 4amish sunday am on page 37 of 77 and that's with a spare hour due to the time change. Have been too easily distracted lately.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
home visit tomorrow gah!
It's another hot day. I missed group. Felt and stil feel shitty. Could not get up and get down there in time. Called in and told them that my stomach was a mess (which is true) and I was not going to be there. She tried to talk me into coming anyways but I couldn't.
Got a call from Karen from the clinic saying her and the other livingwell group leader, Danielle, will be coming over around 10:30am tomorrow morning for a home visit. Blah. I'll have to get my apartment clean tonight and shower. I was washing dishes when she called.
Going to spend the night doing a list and trying to get apartment clean enough. Probably won't get to do daily sweeps tonight. :(
Got a call from Karen from the clinic saying her and the other livingwell group leader, Danielle, will be coming over around 10:30am tomorrow morning for a home visit. Blah. I'll have to get my apartment clean tonight and shower. I was washing dishes when she called.
Going to spend the night doing a list and trying to get apartment clean enough. Probably won't get to do daily sweeps tonight. :(
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
summer over yet?
It's been really hot today. Even turned the air conditioner on for a little while because I was so hot. It's supposed to be fall. Summer is supposed to be over.
On Thursday me and mom may be going out to Cal Worthington to look for me a car. Mine has endless problems and more than one mechanic has told me several times to get rid of it.
I'm entering daily sweeps and doing a list. Hopefully I'll manage to get through all the daily sweeps today.
On Thursday me and mom may be going out to Cal Worthington to look for me a car. Mine has endless problems and more than one mechanic has told me several times to get rid of it.
I'm entering daily sweeps and doing a list. Hopefully I'll manage to get through all the daily sweeps today.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
a week to write this...
I went to the doctor's monday. I got a flu shot and a referral to a different
neurologist because the guy I have seen in the past just would never do anything for me.
I went to mom's house after that. I helped the twins finish their homework and then read
some books to them until they got too wound up and I got too aggravated to continue. Mom
got us all KFC. I had 5 chicken little sandwhiches (they are the size of white castle
hamburgers) and then some of the corn that mom made.
When I got home I watched tv, chatted, and did a lot of nothing for a long time. Talked
to a new person in #bus who was having a hard time for a while and started working on a
list I started a few days ago and is now quite long.
The current list:
Read
Livingroom
Email
Kitchen
Me
Bedroom
Mail
Bath/Hall
Sweeps
Clothes
MoodGym
Closet
Blog
Boxes
Bible
Magazines
Sparkpeople
Lists
Christmas
Floor
One Minute Bible
Dust
Journal
Woman's Bible
Music
The book I am currently reading is "From a Buick 8" by Stephen King.
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au MoodGym is a website that like helps you work out stuff dealing
with depression etc. The Bible I'm reading is The Student Bible NIV. I'm currently
reading some of the psalms. I have a ton of magazines sitting around that I need to get
rid of. The Woman's Bible has devotional readings that I'm reading, not just a regular
bible.
On tuesday I went to group. Loraine, who is a big Disneyland fan and a member of the
group I've known for a few years now brought me 2 pairs of pants and 3 disney t-shirts.
After group I went to mom's house I think. The twins were not home, they were with their
dad.
On wednesday I saw the gastroenterologist. He told me to have blood work done and then
an ultrasound and I have an appointment to see him again in a month. I didn't get up
until about 5pm or so on thursday so only paid my rent and didn't go get bloodwork done
or call the new neurologist. On friday I didn't get up until after 6pm so did nothing
yet again.
I finished the Book "From A Buick 8" a couple days ago and Saturday morning I finished
another Stephen King book "Doloros Claiborne". I have started reading yet another
Stephen King book. This one is called "Night Shift" and is a collection of short
stories.
I have not been feeling well at all lately. Been getting dizzy and lightheaded a lot.
Just a blah feeling in general and nausea is back at times. I'm acheyier than usual I
think too. I've also felt really depressed and anxious and my head has been loud. The
Bad Man has visited me in my sleep again. It's not as bad as it has been in the past
though fortunatly.
I've been writing this blog post since I think monday. It is now sunday. Early sunday.
neurologist because the guy I have seen in the past just would never do anything for me.
I went to mom's house after that. I helped the twins finish their homework and then read
some books to them until they got too wound up and I got too aggravated to continue. Mom
got us all KFC. I had 5 chicken little sandwhiches (they are the size of white castle
hamburgers) and then some of the corn that mom made.
When I got home I watched tv, chatted, and did a lot of nothing for a long time. Talked
to a new person in #bus who was having a hard time for a while and started working on a
list I started a few days ago and is now quite long.
The current list:
Read
Livingroom
Kitchen
Me
Bedroom
Bath/Hall
Sweeps
Clothes
MoodGym
Closet
Blog
Boxes
Bible
Magazines
Sparkpeople
Lists
Christmas
Floor
One Minute Bible
Dust
Journal
Woman's Bible
Music
The book I am currently reading is "From a Buick 8" by Stephen King.
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au MoodGym is a website that like helps you work out stuff dealing
with depression etc. The Bible I'm reading is The Student Bible NIV. I'm currently
reading some of the psalms. I have a ton of magazines sitting around that I need to get
rid of. The Woman's Bible has devotional readings that I'm reading, not just a regular
bible.
On tuesday I went to group. Loraine, who is a big Disneyland fan and a member of the
group I've known for a few years now brought me 2 pairs of pants and 3 disney t-shirts.
After group I went to mom's house I think. The twins were not home, they were with their
dad.
On wednesday I saw the gastroenterologist. He told me to have blood work done and then
an ultrasound and I have an appointment to see him again in a month. I didn't get up
until about 5pm or so on thursday so only paid my rent and didn't go get bloodwork done
or call the new neurologist. On friday I didn't get up until after 6pm so did nothing
yet again.
I finished the Book "From A Buick 8" a couple days ago and Saturday morning I finished
another Stephen King book "Doloros Claiborne". I have started reading yet another
Stephen King book. This one is called "Night Shift" and is a collection of short
stories.
I have not been feeling well at all lately. Been getting dizzy and lightheaded a lot.
Just a blah feeling in general and nausea is back at times. I'm acheyier than usual I
think too. I've also felt really depressed and anxious and my head has been loud. The
Bad Man has visited me in my sleep again. It's not as bad as it has been in the past
though fortunatly.
I've been writing this blog post since I think monday. It is now sunday. Early sunday.
Friday, September 12, 2008
lost confused
I wish the world would end. I’m so lost. I’m so sick of crying. I’m so sick of hurting. My back hurts so bad again. Everything hurts. I have to see the psychiatrist next Tuesday. I don’t even know what today is but I know I’m dreading Tuesday. I always dread seeing him. He makes me feel so stupid, so fat, so shitty. He says I’m not depressed. Why do I cry all the time? Why do I want to die? Why do I hate everything, especially myselfs? Why do the inside people have to be so loud? I don’t know what happened tonight. I was struggling and I gave up. That was at least four hours ago. I wasn’t asleep. At some point I took a shower. I don’t remember. I’m not even sure who does. I’m scared. This can’t start happening a lot again. I can’t take it. No one understands. I can’t tell anyone. It doesn’t make sense to me how would it make sense to anyone else? I’m trying so hard not to SI again. I feel so bad though and it’s the only thing that might help me for at least a little while. I keep crying. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be happy like everyone says I should be? I can’t go on like this. I’m so scared. No one can help me. We’re so alone. So lost. So empty. So stupid. I stay logged into #bus all the time just so I can pretend I’m not alone. I talk a lot but no one really listens to me. They tell me I talk to much. They say I’m boring. They’re right but I can’t shut up. Most of the conversations in there are way over my head. So many of the regulars there are grad students and stuff. I’m a junior college flunk out. I feel so stupid all the time. Not just in there but whenever I talk to anyone anywhere. I’m always so confused. I hate it. My pdoc is going to tell me to lose weight, get out, and get a job. He always done. I can’t make my head or body work well enough though. I hate seeing him so much. I want to quit going to the clinic at all. I want to quit going to any doctor. I want to just quit eating. I want to quit hurting. I want to quit. I’m so messed up and no one can help me. Yes I’m lazy. Everyone tells me that too. I know it. I’ve always known it. I just don’t have the energy and I don’t know where to even start even when I manage to get up. I sleep a lot. I also space a lot. I don’t know whats going on a lot of the time. I’m lost inside my head with all the inside people arguing. Sometimes things happen and I don’t know it like taking a shower earlier. I don’t remember taking a shower buy my hair is wet and I’m in clean clothes and stuff. I feel so lost. I don’t know anything for sure anymore.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
A productive morning
I started a list around a quarter til 5am and worked on it all morning, well past time I should have gone to sleep. It's 10:30am now and I should really give up and go sleep soon since I have to make phone calls today. I got my bed cleared off, sheets and all as well as the kitchen table. I also got a lot of the stuff from the box separated and sorted and some clothes put away. I've also added a bunch of music to itunes.
I got 10 tickets to the Dodger game this sunday and emailed my friends. My sister and brother got jobs at a Halloween store and won't find out til saturday if they have to work sunday or not. Well I better clean off the couch and sleep a while.
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."-Fred Allen
I got 10 tickets to the Dodger game this sunday and emailed my friends. My sister and brother got jobs at a Halloween store and won't find out til saturday if they have to work sunday or not. Well I better clean off the couch and sleep a while.
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."-Fred Allen
Monday, September 1, 2008
I'm being productive for a change
I've gotten into a funk again lately. Happens a lot. Tonight I've managed to be productive though. I've been meaning to write a blog post for a while now but I haven't done anything lately but sit and lay on the couch and babble in #bus. I haven't done sweeps all week. My apartment is a total disaster area but I have been following a list tonight and getting a little bit done finally. I'm having a little trouble breathing now and should probably use my inhalor. I guess the heat, movement, and dust from some of the stuff I've been going through is getting to me.
I don't think I've blogged anything at all anywhere all month if not longer and there were a few exciting things in August. On August 2 John and Danielle came over. We ran to tacobell/pizza hug and got dinner then came back here to eat. After that we went and found the local starbucks. Me and Danielle both had gift cards. I'd had mine a long time. I had three, at least one of which was from this past Christmas. Another one was older than that I think. We played some Uno and then we played a game they got me for Christmas called Last Word (i think that's the title) for the first time. It was a lot of fun but after 8 games Danielle had won every single time and it was after midnight so they went home. I didn't sleep that day at all because I was taking Dillon to Disneyland early the next morning. The alarm was set for like 6am or so and I never got to sleep. I haven't been going to sleep until dawn.
We had a good time on that trip, we always do though. We got there right after it opened and did a few things there, got fastpasses, then headed over to DCA right after it opened, probably at 10am. We were meeting people in the picnic area at 11:30am from micechat.com. That was a bit awkward because most of them knew each other and neither me and Dillon had met anyone before and are not active on the site. They have a meet-up every sunday at noon. This particular week they were having cupcakes first though to celebrate a few birthdays. Most of them went to lunch after a while and we weren't hungry so went off to use our fastpasses and such. Throughout the day we passed many of the micechatters and waved.
The twins' birthday was this month as well. We had planned to get a jumper but plans changed at the last minute and the jumper was canceled and we used some of the money I won from a sweepstakes to stay 2 nights at the Plaza Inn Hotel and Suites across the street from the Disneyland main pedestrian entrance...well down a bit, more across from DCA. We got there late in the day on the 6th and had dinner at IHOP then went over to DL for a few hours. The next day were were back there by 10am and had hoped to do a character breakfast but it was $30 a piece for that and IHOP had come up to a ridiculous $90 or so the night before. We did have breakfast on main street though, just not the chracter one. The twins were pretty cranky that day from getting to bed late and up early. We all still had fun though.
We got home late on the third day and then the following night Kylee's girlfriend came over and I went over and grandma made spaghetti and we had cake. The twins finally got to open their presents. They had a pretty good birthday this year.
On August 17th Sergio, Dillon, and I went to Warped Tour in Carson. Dillon had been dieing to go to this all day concert. There were like 8 stages and around 30 bands I think. Katy Perry and Angels and Airwaves were the only ones I really knew. Some of the other bands were pretty good too though. I had won 2 tickets in a sweepstakes and Sergio agreed to go with us so I wouldn't have to drive so I bought his ticket and mom gave him gas money. I got really sunburned and so did Dillon. I had put lots of sunblock on that morning but I should have reapplied, and wore a hat.
I was sick too. When we got home from DLR I had a sore throat that got worse and wouldn't go away. I went to the doctor and was given an antibiotic and she did a throat swab to test for strep. The antibiotic was a 5 day one and the doctor's office called me the day I had finished it to tell me it was strep and I wasn't any better by then so they called in a second, different, antibiotic. By the time I finished it I was fine. The concert was when I was still taking the first one or had just started the second one though so I was pretty miserable. The sun burn did not help things. Sergio was also miserable. He has gallstones and has surgery scheduled for late september because he can't get off work before that.
Thanks to Labor Day I got my check on friday and was able to go grocery shopping saturday. I spent a lot more than usual but at least I have plenty of food for a while. Which reminds me...There are oranges in my fridge. I may have one in a little while.
It's almost 4:30am and I would like to get some more done before I sleep. I did not sleep well at all yesterday. Had reflux and couldn't lay down. Around 10am I finally managed to get comfortable propped up and slept about 2 hours. I got up and went to the bathroom but after a short while was able to get back to sleep. I had nightmares the rest of the day though. Waking up on and off. I didn't actually get up and on the computer until after 6 though. I was really tired and slept from 9pmish until almost 11. I've been doing a list since about 2am I think. I should get back to it now...
I don't think I've blogged anything at all anywhere all month if not longer and there were a few exciting things in August. On August 2 John and Danielle came over. We ran to tacobell/pizza hug and got dinner then came back here to eat. After that we went and found the local starbucks. Me and Danielle both had gift cards. I'd had mine a long time. I had three, at least one of which was from this past Christmas. Another one was older than that I think. We played some Uno and then we played a game they got me for Christmas called Last Word (i think that's the title) for the first time. It was a lot of fun but after 8 games Danielle had won every single time and it was after midnight so they went home. I didn't sleep that day at all because I was taking Dillon to Disneyland early the next morning. The alarm was set for like 6am or so and I never got to sleep. I haven't been going to sleep until dawn.
We had a good time on that trip, we always do though. We got there right after it opened and did a few things there, got fastpasses, then headed over to DCA right after it opened, probably at 10am. We were meeting people in the picnic area at 11:30am from micechat.com. That was a bit awkward because most of them knew each other and neither me and Dillon had met anyone before and are not active on the site. They have a meet-up every sunday at noon. This particular week they were having cupcakes first though to celebrate a few birthdays. Most of them went to lunch after a while and we weren't hungry so went off to use our fastpasses and such. Throughout the day we passed many of the micechatters and waved.
The twins' birthday was this month as well. We had planned to get a jumper but plans changed at the last minute and the jumper was canceled and we used some of the money I won from a sweepstakes to stay 2 nights at the Plaza Inn Hotel and Suites across the street from the Disneyland main pedestrian entrance...well down a bit, more across from DCA. We got there late in the day on the 6th and had dinner at IHOP then went over to DL for a few hours. The next day were were back there by 10am and had hoped to do a character breakfast but it was $30 a piece for that and IHOP had come up to a ridiculous $90 or so the night before. We did have breakfast on main street though, just not the chracter one. The twins were pretty cranky that day from getting to bed late and up early. We all still had fun though.
We got home late on the third day and then the following night Kylee's girlfriend came over and I went over and grandma made spaghetti and we had cake. The twins finally got to open their presents. They had a pretty good birthday this year.
On August 17th Sergio, Dillon, and I went to Warped Tour in Carson. Dillon had been dieing to go to this all day concert. There were like 8 stages and around 30 bands I think. Katy Perry and Angels and Airwaves were the only ones I really knew. Some of the other bands were pretty good too though. I had won 2 tickets in a sweepstakes and Sergio agreed to go with us so I wouldn't have to drive so I bought his ticket and mom gave him gas money. I got really sunburned and so did Dillon. I had put lots of sunblock on that morning but I should have reapplied, and wore a hat.
I was sick too. When we got home from DLR I had a sore throat that got worse and wouldn't go away. I went to the doctor and was given an antibiotic and she did a throat swab to test for strep. The antibiotic was a 5 day one and the doctor's office called me the day I had finished it to tell me it was strep and I wasn't any better by then so they called in a second, different, antibiotic. By the time I finished it I was fine. The concert was when I was still taking the first one or had just started the second one though so I was pretty miserable. The sun burn did not help things. Sergio was also miserable. He has gallstones and has surgery scheduled for late september because he can't get off work before that.
Thanks to Labor Day I got my check on friday and was able to go grocery shopping saturday. I spent a lot more than usual but at least I have plenty of food for a while. Which reminds me...There are oranges in my fridge. I may have one in a little while.
It's almost 4:30am and I would like to get some more done before I sleep. I did not sleep well at all yesterday. Had reflux and couldn't lay down. Around 10am I finally managed to get comfortable propped up and slept about 2 hours. I got up and went to the bathroom but after a short while was able to get back to sleep. I had nightmares the rest of the day though. Waking up on and off. I didn't actually get up and on the computer until after 6 though. I was really tired and slept from 9pmish until almost 11. I've been doing a list since about 2am I think. I should get back to it now...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
A cool giveaway
Check out acowboyswife's blog and enter her giveaways! Very cool!
http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/07/27/3mth-giveaways-come-to-an-end-with-a-bang/
http://mywoodenspoon.com/2008/07/27/3mth-giveaways-come-to-an-end-with-a-bang/
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Check out the letsgogreen giveaway!
I found a giveaway for biodegradable trashbags. So check out the blog called The Ramblings of a Woman and read the post that is linked in the title of my blog post. We should all try to do more for the environment.
Monday, July 7, 2008
TOY STORY MIDWAY MANIA!
On Thursday, July 3rd I drove Kylee, Trisha and their a-hole friend Travis (or was it Trevor? Who knows...we'll call him "jerk"). The first thing I wanted to do when we got there was go on Toy Story Mania which I've been wanting to do since I first heard the ride was being built! If you don't know what TSMM is please go look it up! Better yet, go to DCA and ride it! I can't wait to ride it again (and again and again...)! I loved it.
Me and Kylee in line
I was yellow, Tricia was green.
Riding TSMM was the best part of the day by far. Kylee and her friends treated me like crap all day. Oh well. I got to ride TSMM. I won't be going to DL with Kylee and her friends again though. I won't be spending any time with jerk or doing any favors for him at all. Kylee did apologize to me after mom talked to her the following day. The fact that Kylee treats me (and most people) like crap on a regular basis and apologized just before asking for help with something from me makes me not appreciate her apology as much as I've tried to. She tried to apologize tho.
The night after getting home from DLR I sat down and cried longer and harder than I had in quite a while. It was my worst trip to DL ever. I can't wait to go again (WITH DILLON! OR MOM AND THE TWINS AND DILLON!) to forget about this trip and return happiness to my DL memories.
I couldn't get anyone to go on Toy Story a second time or explore the new Dream House inside Innoventions which I really wanted to see. Hopefully me and Dillon can go see it soon. Mom and Dillon had gone to DL the Sunday before and rode TSMM twice and had lots of fun but the dream house was closed at the time. I wish I could have gone with them but I'm glad the two of them were able to spend quality time together just the two of them. Dillon don't get enough attention. With the twins always keeping mom busy and all Kylee's graduation stuff recently he kind of got lost in the crowd.
I've been pretty depressed lately. The treatment by Kylee and her friends really didn't help. The fourth I just stayed home. Was tired, achey, depressed, and just didn't want to deal with crowds and such. Kylee don't like fireworks so just mom and Dillon went and watched fireworks at the same place we go every year. Mom said it was the same show as the last 2 years, same music, same fireworks choreography. There was some famous singer tho that sang one song. I can't remember who it was though. Someone I'd heard of that has been around for many years. Mom said she was a friend of someone involved in planning the fireworks performance and sang one of her popular songs than was driven off in the van they drove her out to the stage in. Mom's not sure it was her but it pretty sure.
Sunday mom took me and Dillon to the cheap theatre and we saw Wall-E. It was cute. Mom fell asleep tho and when she woke up started playing tetris on her phone so I guess she didn't really get into it. Mom ALWAYS falls asleep though no matter how good the movie is. It's too bad we couldn't have taken the twins but they're with their father and he has already taken them to it. Mando did let my mom have her visit with the twins the last 2 wednesday nights but we think he's off this week so he'll probably have plans and she wont get to see the babies. I believe his 4 weeks are over on the twentieth of this month.
Oh recently I won a $100 visa giftcard doing sweeps. Also won a 6-month premium membership for OLS.
Well I have a dentist appointment at 1pm today and it's 6am now. I had a nap but I should try to get a couple hours of sleep.
Me and Kylee in line
I was yellow, Tricia was green.
Riding TSMM was the best part of the day by far. Kylee and her friends treated me like crap all day. Oh well. I got to ride TSMM. I won't be going to DL with Kylee and her friends again though. I won't be spending any time with jerk or doing any favors for him at all. Kylee did apologize to me after mom talked to her the following day. The fact that Kylee treats me (and most people) like crap on a regular basis and apologized just before asking for help with something from me makes me not appreciate her apology as much as I've tried to. She tried to apologize tho.
The night after getting home from DLR I sat down and cried longer and harder than I had in quite a while. It was my worst trip to DL ever. I can't wait to go again (WITH DILLON! OR MOM AND THE TWINS AND DILLON!) to forget about this trip and return happiness to my DL memories.
I couldn't get anyone to go on Toy Story a second time or explore the new Dream House inside Innoventions which I really wanted to see. Hopefully me and Dillon can go see it soon. Mom and Dillon had gone to DL the Sunday before and rode TSMM twice and had lots of fun but the dream house was closed at the time. I wish I could have gone with them but I'm glad the two of them were able to spend quality time together just the two of them. Dillon don't get enough attention. With the twins always keeping mom busy and all Kylee's graduation stuff recently he kind of got lost in the crowd.
I've been pretty depressed lately. The treatment by Kylee and her friends really didn't help. The fourth I just stayed home. Was tired, achey, depressed, and just didn't want to deal with crowds and such. Kylee don't like fireworks so just mom and Dillon went and watched fireworks at the same place we go every year. Mom said it was the same show as the last 2 years, same music, same fireworks choreography. There was some famous singer tho that sang one song. I can't remember who it was though. Someone I'd heard of that has been around for many years. Mom said she was a friend of someone involved in planning the fireworks performance and sang one of her popular songs than was driven off in the van they drove her out to the stage in. Mom's not sure it was her but it pretty sure.
Sunday mom took me and Dillon to the cheap theatre and we saw Wall-E. It was cute. Mom fell asleep tho and when she woke up started playing tetris on her phone so I guess she didn't really get into it. Mom ALWAYS falls asleep though no matter how good the movie is. It's too bad we couldn't have taken the twins but they're with their father and he has already taken them to it. Mando did let my mom have her visit with the twins the last 2 wednesday nights but we think he's off this week so he'll probably have plans and she wont get to see the babies. I believe his 4 weeks are over on the twentieth of this month.
Oh recently I won a $100 visa giftcard doing sweeps. Also won a 6-month premium membership for OLS.
Well I have a dentist appointment at 1pm today and it's 6am now. I had a nap but I should try to get a couple hours of sleep.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Check out MomReviews
I found this on OLS and thought I'd share this one (I"ll be doing this occassionally with various sites).
MomReviews
I wish I could win the Suave products!
MomReviews
I wish I could win the Suave products!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
GooGoo Dolls Acoustic #3 lyrics
They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screamin'
You're not listening anyway
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screamin'
You're not listening anyway
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