Friday, April 28, 2006

Another bad day

I cut my stomach today. I'm a bit urgy again but I can make it at least a little while without doing anything. People in #bus are helpful. Mom was pissed today. It's all my fault. Everything's my fault.

I've made some progress on my room. The closet is cleaned out and a few things placed in there neatly. The floor is still missing and so is the bed. Before too long I'll clear off the bed (making the floor deeper down) and get in bed to sleep. I have to be at the clinic at about 9:30am for clubhouse and to get my meds. I missed clubhouse on wednesday because I just couldn't get out of bed so I need to get there tommorrow, well today now since it's 2am.

I'm listening to Launch (yahoo radio). I'm using my votes. I'm working on my room. I'm considering taking a shower but think I"ll wait til tomorrow to do that. I'm too anxious to deal with the water right now.

The urge is getting stronger. I wish I could just die. I hate myself. I have it made and I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate feeling the way I feel. I hate depression. I hate my skin. I hate my whole body. I hate zyprexa. I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate!



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