What's wrong with me?

I cut three times yesterday and twice the day before and I'm urgy still. I've been taking my meds. I've made progress on my room. Not a lot of progress, but some. I just don't feel good enough. I just don't feel good at all. I want to die but suicide isn't an option. I keep wishing when I drive that someone will hit me and kill me. I feel so hopeless. I feel so alone. I've been spending a lot of time in #bus, which helps some. Talking to Harmony helps sometimes too. Nothing but cutting actually makes me feel okay though. Even cutting doesn't always do enough. I can't cut deep enough.