Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Harmony's in the hospital again

Harmony went back into the hospital yesterday morning after cutting herself. I feel like it's my fault. I should have been there for her more. I should have been more careful what I've said to her over the past few months and weeks. I knew and know she was having a hard time but so am I.

I've been cutting pretty much everyday, sometimes more than once a day. My pdoc made me show her my legs and asked why my legs say "BITCH" and "DIE". I HATE showing her my cuts as much as I hate cataloging class. It makes me want to cut more but not tell anyone about it and not let anyone see it. I hate trying to explain why I did it. Then the doctor called in the case manager covering for Grace since Grace quit for a job closer to home (I miss her but I don't blame her. I'm happy she found herself another good job closer to home.) He had his supervisor called in. Dr. Policar (my pdoc) wants to transfer me to another doctor. Dr. Patel (case manager's superviser) said I should see my tdoc (Dr. Dimeo who I like but won't be seeing long cuz they are transfering me to the new therapist they just hired), more often. I don't know how to feel about that.

I had the first test in psychology of religion. It was 35 multiple choice and true false questions, open book. It was so confusing. I didn't look most of the questions up cuz the questions didn't make any sense to me so I didn't know what to look up. I hope I'm a good guesser. I felt like crying. I went home and SI'd.

Today I went to the court about my speeding ticket. $198. Plus traffic school so my record stays clean. Fortunately I got a financial aid check today from Citrus so I'll be able to pay it. They gave me a 2 month extension to pay the ticket cuz I told them I didn't have the money. Now I gotta worry about Section 8 saying I lied about my financial aid cuz at the time I filled out the re-examination packet a few days ago I didnt know I was getting a check. I don't know what to do about it.

After court I went back to bed for several hours. Dawggy called me twice to get me out of bed cuz I asked him to wake me up if I didnt get up in a couple of hours. All I ever want to do is lay in bed and mostly sleep. The only reason I get out of bed is cuz I have school and the stupid clinic to go to and homework to do. I really struggle with school work. The concentration just ain't there and the work confuses the hell out of me.

Well I better go do some homework now...



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