everything and everywhere

everyting i say upsets her and now i'm not even allowed to talk to her without his permission. i've been crying and cutting a lot. she even called to tell me goodbye. she said when we'd talk on the phone while she was in the hospital i wouldnt even talk to her. i tried but everytime i did she had to hang up for some reason or another. i want to die. i want to cut deeper. i want to take every pill i can find. i got blood everywhere. my clothes my sheets even my pillowcase. i want to cut more. i want to watch the blood drip down my leg. i cut and i cut but it wouldnt drip so i just want to cut more. i still cant stop crying.