August 26

*sigh*  
It’s Friday, August 26, 2005.  My modem finally completely quit today.  They said they’d mail me a new one in three-to-five business days.  That means I may not have internet until next Friday.  It’s always something.  First my computer needed a new hard drive.  I finally got that replaced and now my modem has gone bad.  

Today I stayed in bed until about noon then I sat up and talked to Harmony and Lostwarrior in #manicdepression.  I got in a little bit of an argument with Dawggy today because I said I wanted to cut my neck open and was not very supportive of Harmony, who is not doing so well right now either.  I left the chatroom.  I know it’s immature but I don’t know what else I could have done to keep myself from saying something else stupid.  I want to cut now just thinking about it.  I already cut a couple times today.  I feel really depressed and frustrated.  

I talked to Harmony, Marcie, and Danielle on the phone today (separately).  Harmony called me because I had called and left a message on their machine that I wouldn’t be online for about a week because my modem had died and I needed to wait for them to send me a replacement in the mail.  Marcie and Danielle, I called.  There is a “Girls Night Out” at a local female gym called Butterfly Life and I wanted to see if they wanted to go with me.  Marcie has to go to her great-aunt’s birthday party at the hospital.  Danielle is going to call me tomorrow sometime but I bet she don’t want to go.  I may or may not go to karaoke tomorrow night.  I don’t really have money to go but I might go anyways just so I don’t have to sit home alone with no internet.  

I’m still congested but I haven’t been sneezing much today, just a couple of times.  I haven’t even been coughing that much either but I have felt out of breath a lot.  I’ve also been wheezing some.  I have had several dreams that woke me up because I felt as if I were underwater and couldn’t get to the top.  I wake up gasping for air.