Tuesday, August 30, 2005

August 28

It’s a little after one am.  I went to karaoke and got home a little after 12.  I drank 2 or 3 Shirley Temple’s.  I ate half of a cheese quesadilla.  (Sergio and I shared it.)  I also had some chips.  The only other thing I ate today was some caramel corn mini rice cakes.  I sang three songs, REALLY badly.  I’m not a good singer to begin with but tonight I was congested which made my singing even worse.  And I was short of breath again.  I sang Runaway Train, as made popular by Soul Asylum.  I also sang I Want A New Duck by “Weird Al” Yankovic.  The final song I sang was Savage Garden’s I Knew I Loved You.

It’s 1:42am now.  I’m a little tired but don’t feel like going to sleep right now.  I’m scared.  I’m afraid someone will get me while I sleep or the dreams will be bad.  I know all the doors of the house are locked but I can’t help but be scared there is somebody in the house besides Grandma, Jiggs, and myself.  I know the dog would probably bark if anyone else was in the house  but I just can’t shake the feeling.  Is this paranoia?  

It’s 2:03am.  I just took my bedtime meds.  I worked up the courage to go into the kitchen and get something to drink so I could take the medicine.  That wasn’t easy to do.  I turned the kitchen light on and looked all over the living room and kitchen to try to reassure myself that no one was there.  

I cut my legs.  I know I shouldn’t do that, it causes scars and upsets my family and friends, but sometimes I NEED to do something.  

It’s almost 3pm.  I talked to Harmony for a little while earlier on the phone.  I miss internet.  I love talking to her on the phone but I also love talking to her online and doing all the other things I do online, like E2 and email.  

It’s 7:20pm.  I’m making 3 corn coblets.  I’m watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.  

It’s 8pm now.  I ate my three little cobs of corn and now I’m watching cold case.  



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