Friday, July 13, 2007

Saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

I never went to bed this morning. About six am I switched from chamomile tea to green tea because I had given up on going to bed. I went to clubhouse this morning and we went to the movies and saw the fifth Harry Potter film. It was good. When I got home around two pm I went pee, got something to drink, turned on my computer and checked a few things. Around two-thirty I went to bed and slept until about five-thirty. I got up and talked to mom on the phone for quite a while. I did the dishes then talked to my mom on the phone again. On Sunday we're going to the outlet mall and look for some bras and possibly some pants for me. I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for it and school too. I hope and pray I get financial aid and Grace is able to help me with books. I feel depressed and I want to SI. I'm worried about Harmony. I only feel a little tired. I'm hot. I had bagel bite pizzas for dinner. I talked to Harmony briefly on the phone before I ate. She was alone with the baby and he was getting fussy.

I feel so hopeless. Like nothing will work out and I'll have no way to pay for school. Like there's no point in going to school at all because I'll never be able to finish the semester, let alone get a degree or actually transfer to Cal State Fullerton to get a degree in Library Science. Sigh. Nothing ever works out for me and that's okay because I don't deserve anything good to happen for me. I don't deserve anything but pain and suffering. I wish I could leave without hurting anyone.



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