The day after Disneyland

As I do more days than not, I slept away the day. Yesterday (Sunday) we went to Disneyland (Me, mom, Hannah, Daniel, Dillon, and even Kylee). It was fun. It's so beautiful there at Christmas time. The castle is breathtakingly beautiful. Snow on the roof, a light purplish color, icicle lighting. The firework show is spectacular which I've come to expect from Disney and I haven't been disappointed so far. It was a good dayoverall except that I dropped my phone and broke it. I didn't get blisters this time because I wore expensive walking/running socks I bought for the marathon. Dillon and I stayed until about ten that night but my mom and the twins and Kylee went home right after it got dark.

Today (Monday) was not a good day. I couldn't get myself out of bed yet again. My back and legs and just all over was hurting to bad. I couldn't call the clinic because I broke my phone yesterday. I was supposed to go to clubhouse this morning at 9:30am and then see my therapist at noon. After that I was supposed to go to the mall and have my phone looked at. Then I was supposed to go to the college at 4pm to get help on the two labs I missed for cataloging class and work on them until class started at 7pm. I made it to class today but nothing before that. We learned about cults and had a test tonight. I hate true/false tests. I hate myself for not getting up. I just hurt too bad to function. I still hurt. From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet I hurt. I feel lonely. I feel depressed. I feel anxious. I feel like shit.

I want to die. I want my ashes spread at Disneyland (like that was a possiblity). I want to be buried wearing a mickey hears hat maybe. I want something Disney to be in my casket.