bad day/night

I've cut on three seperate occassions today. Nothing too bad. But I did cut in a private place. Just scratches but its bad that I cut *there*.

Dawggy says he understands but he just doens't. He just made me feel bad again. The second time I cut today was after he upset me. He don't believe me about my experiences in the hospital. He says I don't try to get help and he didn't use the words but he basically called me a liar about the doctor smoking while he met with me. That hurts a lot. The doctor DID smoke while he talekd to me and blew smoke in my face. I can't stand being called a liar. No matter how much he argues that he understands about my SI he really doesn't. I don't think he ever will or can.

Harmony tries so hard to help me and I feel so bad that I hurt her by hurting myself. I know she feels helpless. I wish I didnt hurt her so. I wish she didn't feel like a failure because of me. I was so mean today. I basically said her life was as pointless as mine. I didn't mean to attack her like that. I feel really bad and just want to cut again. I'm so stupid.

I'm sorry.