Monday, September 12, 2005

bad day/night

I've cut on three seperate occassions today. Nothing too bad. But I did cut in a private place. Just scratches but its bad that I cut *there*.

Dawggy says he understands but he just doens't. He just made me feel bad again. The second time I cut today was after he upset me. He don't believe me about my experiences in the hospital. He says I don't try to get help and he didn't use the words but he basically called me a liar about the doctor smoking while he met with me. That hurts a lot. The doctor DID smoke while he talekd to me and blew smoke in my face. I can't stand being called a liar. No matter how much he argues that he understands about my SI he really doesn't. I don't think he ever will or can.

Harmony tries so hard to help me and I feel so bad that I hurt her by hurting myself. I know she feels helpless. I wish I didnt hurt her so. I wish she didn't feel like a failure because of me. I was so mean today. I basically said her life was as pointless as mine. I didn't mean to attack her like that. I feel really bad and just want to cut again. I'm so stupid.

I'm sorry.


Anonymous said...

What a crock...... if I dont understand and your always so sorry about what you do to harmony then why do you keep doing it?
Why do you tell us your gonna cut if you dont want our feedback.... you got a lot of growing up to do miss thing!


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