SI SU OD

I have already SI'd some but I want to cut deep. I want to OD on anything I can find. I've promised Harmony that I won't try to kill myself. It don't make the thoughts go away. I don't want to floaty. I don't wantto lose anymore time. I need something to focus on but I can't focus on my writeups very good right now, I tried. I'm out of votes and entered like 30 sweepstakes online. I don't know what else to do.