Monday, January 10, 2011

January 8 and 9th

Wore the super soft pajamas Danielle and John got me for Christmas.  The shirt is a pink hoodie.  the pants are pink with cupcakes all over them.
It's been blah.  I'm tired of sitting and watching the phone just in case some one will make contact with me.  Just in case there's a chance of not spending the night alone.  The only one that ever calls though never has anything new to say and just makes me feel frustrated and stuck.   I don't care that you saw someone we went to high school with a year or so ago.  High school was a decade ago and you've already told me the same thing a dozen times.  And no I don't want or need a boyfriend.  And no I don't want any recipes.
What I want is not to be last priority.  I want to be thought of first at least once in a while not as the pity case or the"there's absolutely nothing else to do so we'll call Jennelle".
I want to truly feel welcome not just as someone people put up with.

I'm tired of putting off doing anything and planning my evening around the just maybe someone will remember that they said they'd call me.  Just maybe they'll return my messages.  Just maybe...

I'm fed up.  I guess I'm meant to be completely alone forever.  I've always known this but always end up letting myself hope for something I don't deserve.  I have to not hope because hope always leads to disappointment.  I should know this by now.  I really should.  



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