Sunday, July 18, 2004

I'm posting through my instant messanger, gaim. Dawggy wasn't feeling well, went to bed before he even doing all his sweeps. That's really odd for him. Hope he's okay. He was upset because of some idiots on e2 are giving him hell because he is a newbie. I think they're jealous. Dawg's w/ups are really good, much better than most Level 1's writeups.
Today was not a very good day. Went to the dentist. Don't want to even talk about how bad getting the impression for my bridge was. I had to be held down. Was in total panic. Was an observer, not the controller of my actions. When I finally got home I had missed Harmony and Dawggy by only like five or ten minutes. They had gone to their cousins house. They had both written new writeups before leaving. Both of which were very good. It wasn't quite 4pm yet, so I didn't have votes. I talked to tim a bit, and read one or two other nodes while I waited for 4pm my time, which is when server time resets to a new day and I get 45 votes and 1 C! At that point I upvoted both of their nodes and one or two others I had marked down that I had read while waiting to vote on theirs. Then I took a long nap. My anxiety level was incredibly high today all day and I haven't been feeling well. I managed to get some sleep but my entire body was tense. My thumb, which I found in my mouth when I woke up had pretty deep teeth marks. I got on the computer about an hour before Dawg and Harmony said they'd be home and was IM'd by Kandi, who I've known online for several years. We met on the Darren Hayes BBS long ago. His new video is out and she gave me the URL to download it. It is HILARIOUS! I've watched it a couple dozen times already lol. It's for the song POPular. Grandma was in the kitchen earlier when I went to get something to drink and take some pain pills so I asked her for a Lortab. I may have taken two by accident because I got one out and we were talking and warming up some spagetti, I had thought I had swallowed one but I may have just sat it on the counter then she handed me one. If it was only one, it's working, it may have been two because I'm feeling it pretty good. My nose itches.
I'm going to try to follow the list now, OrangeRoot1000 just came into #manicdepression. I'm going to try to talk to him a bit while I follow the list....
E2/Not Computer/Computer/read/other
1. E2 vote/search
I just read [Birds of Prey] by a newbie named [postscribe]. I upvoted it, it's a good writeup. No errors or anything. Factual. I also sent a short blab. "Nice job on this :) ++" because I know that I like to get /msgs like that. I try to send as many msgs as I can each day. I usually point out any typos that I find, and try to tell people, especially newbies, what they are doing right, but I also point out, as gently as I can, what they are doing incorrect.

Now we'll move on to two.
2. Floor
Well my bowl that had Spagetti in it is sitting next to me on the floor. So is the empty glass that had fruit punch in it, and the thing of Parmesan cheese. I'm going to go wash the bowl, get more juice, punch or soda, and put the cheese away. Then I will return to do number three....

Mkay...I washed the stupid bowl and grabbed that last can of Rasberry Creme soda before someone else drinks it. I was already in a pretty crappy mood but having grandma yell at me for "bawling her out" didn't help. I didn't bawl her out. She yelled "Are you fixing food?!" "No I ate earlier I"m washing the bowl like you said to" grrrrrr. She g ets me flustered. Off track, confused, frustrated. *scrolls up to see what I was supposed to do now*

I'm making a spread sheet of all the mp3's I currently have on my computer. iTunes does most of the work for me, but I don't care much for the way that the times and sizes show up and there is some information I do not care about so I am fixing that a little at a time.
They are in alphabetical order. All the ones that start with numbers and A's are now fixed. I currently have 710 songs on my playlist, but it seems to grow just about every day.

4. The Illuminatus Trilogy
This is a book that is more than 800 pages. (It's three books all republished into one large book.) Ack I have the hiccups now....
Anyway..I'm on page 104. And am only going to read about two pages right now. My concentration level isn't high enough to read much more.....

5. Me
I need a shower, but do not want to get in the shower. My anxiety is sky high and we have had many panics in the shower, the water get to me. Feel as if we will drown. For now I will get my things together. My favorite pajama pants, and old PE shirt, some panties, and I need to find a CD to listen to. I'm pretty sure Matchbox 20's first album is still in the cd player in the shower but it's been in there for quite a while and I think it's time to switch it. I think I will take the cd I burned of songs that are tributes for 9/11 and columbine and whatever else happened to come up while searching "tribute" Lots of pretty songs. I'm not sure it works though, but if it doesn't I'll ever listen to the radio or to the Matchbox Twenty cd that is in there now. I have placed this small pajamas and the cd, on the corner of the bed until I get back to "ME" on the list again.

6. Lyrical nodes.
The "Lyrical" node I am working on currently is the song "Break me Shake me" off of Savage Garden's first album. It is a very angry song. I may never actually post it on e2. If I don't I may work up the nerve to post it here. I had my heart broken recently, and I never truly appreciated this song until now because of this. The song is about mind games. It is a very personal write up for me, and will not do very well on e2 but I may post it anyway. I recently did a write-up on "Runaway Train" and it hasn't done too well Rep-wise either and at least one person has asked if I was okay after reading it. My intention was not to make people worry I simply wrote it, with many of my own intense emotions filling it, but in hopes that maybe someday someone will read it and not feel so alone in the feelings. I know there must be others who have felt that way. It will take me quiet a while to finish Break Me Shake Me. It is difficult for me to write, and so I can only write a bit at a time.

7. Bed
There are a few pieces of clothing scattered on the bed among other things. Some of these clothes should be put into the hamper now.

8. Blog
Well, I've been writing this throughout working on my entire list, writing what I'm doing each step of the way helps to keep me on track. Since this is getting so long, I will hit send now and will continue the list in a new post after this.



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