Friday, July 2, 2004

Woke Depressed and Lonely

It's almost 4am now. Trying hard to follow a list.

E2/bedroom/computer stuff/read/other writings/
1) E2 vote/search
2) Floor
3) Fixy computer stuff
4) Illuminatas
5) Essay contests
6) Psych Nodes
7) Shelves
8) Blog
9) Magazines
10) html
11) homenode
12) dresser
13) Gmail

I slept for about two hours. I woke up feeling cold, lonely, scared, and depressed. I do not want to think about the dreams.

The last two .rar files are transfering to Dawggy's computer as I write this. In another two or three hours they'll be completly done and that will be everything but a couple of the documents I am using still, which will easily enough be emailed from one account to another at the last minute.

I have my SSI check in my purse. I need to go deposit it, and change my account info. Unfortunatly grandma wants me to go to Target with her today, so there goes the entire day.

Those bad thoughts keep creeping back. Some of the inside people, one in particular espcially, continously speaks of death and how it would be a glorious release. We are working extremely hard to not allow this to overtake us. We are truly blessed. We have extremely good friends. Harmony and Dawggy have faith in us. We must believe in ourself. We must get past the tough spots, because they know truth, and they show me love and understanding. I have Marcie too. I am blessed with friends. Why is it still so hard?



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