Thursday, July 1, 2004

My homenode at the reach of Level 5

skybluefusion


user since
Thu Jan 3 2002 at 07:38:14 (2.5 years ago )
last seen
Thu Jul 1 2004 at 14:29:51 (26 seconds ago )
number of write-ups/experience
250/5446
level
5 (Monk)
C!s spent
167
mission drive within everything
Learn and spread knowledge and tune my writing skills
specialties
Reference Books, Psychology, Popular Music, Technical theater, and Library science and whatever else happens to catch my eye
school/company
Citrus College| E2 Mentor, distracted noders, Bipolars, ninjagirls, buffpuffs, e2film, SoCal, e2health, e2tv
motto
Never stop changing | "If you can't convince them confuse them" and "Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Procrastination will kill the bird"
most recent writeup
July 1, 2004 (update link)
your daily votes and C!s
0 / 45 votes | 1 / 1 C!s
notes to self
Edit your (Scratch) Pad
/msg yourself
CC

talking to yourself
31 messages



LIMITED TIME OFFER!
Free to Noders
(Will except donations of almost any kind!)

Want Gmail?

Email skybluefusion@Gmail.com with the reasons I should send you an invite and I might just give you one.
Orkut invitations are also available


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Who is skybluefusion? Where the hell did she come from? Level 4 and I've never seen them before!? How is this possible?

Skybluefusion...

Well let's start with explaining what this means.

skybluefusion~My given name is derived from Jennifer which derives from Guinevere which derives from gwen which means white, fair and hwyfar, which means smooth. Blue has become my name as a converging person. sky blue is a mixture of blue and white. Fusion comes from confusion, for I have s pent much of my life in a state of confusion. It has a double meaning though, the other being fusion of selves into a functional being.

I am working toward many changes in my life, and getting away from _is_sad is an important step for me. I hope I have not caused any confusion for anyone. I am grateful to everyone who has supported me as bluebird_is_sad and beyond. I am extremely grateful to those who helped make this change happen.

April 20, 2004


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It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope


Darren Hayes, "I Miss You"


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I get so tired of working so hard for my survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
-Peter Gabriel, "In Your Eyes"



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Email me: skybluefusion at Gmail dot com





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I like to help newbies! So if you are new or know of someone who is new I want to help! Confusedalot's homenode is full of goodies we should all keep up with. Check out wertperch's homenode and scroll down to all his newbie goodies. They are all excellent! If anyone knows other helpful lists, let me or confusedalot know. Thanks!


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"Forgetful? I don't remember being forgetful..."
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My mommy say's I'm special. (Of course she did say that right after I ran into a tree so I'm not sure if "special" is a good thing or not.)

All kidding aside:

I'm a 23 year old female from Southern California. Well I should say my birthday is April 3, 1981, because I am not very good at keeping my homenode updated. I am taking classes through my local community college. I use Everything2 as a study tool. Adding my new found knowledge as I go.


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"Forgetful? I don't remember being forgetful..."
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email: skybluefusion@gmail.com OR skybluefusion@adelphia.net
AIM: Confusedalotly
Also can be found as: Citrus Bluebird (This usually means I am logged on from a campus lab or have both on, one through gaim and the other to trade files
MSN: bluebird_is_sad@hotmail.com YAHOO: sgrulesme
ICQ: 118096988
http://confusedalot.blogspot.com/
http://dafnessensues.blogspot.com


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Meet my new pets: bobisamerikan, Kit and unnoficially Radar
Anyone else want to be my little projects? :P



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I will do votetags/node audits. Anyone. I tend to do them anyways, unsolicited, of people who catch my eye. If you want every single one of your write-ups read by me, let me know. It might take me a while but I'll read them all and offer any and all feedback I can. =) Anyone, newbie to god. Don't matter to me.





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Every night I imagine touching your face,
but nothing is there except empty space.
My dreams are filled
with visions of eternal bliss,
sealed by your tender and heavenly kiss.
I awake from my dreams,
yearning to hold you near,
searching but not finding
bringing me to tears.
I lie there thinking about how you showed me love,
making me wonder if you were
sent from heaven above.
I fall asleep knowing that
you are in my mind and my heart,
for love is eternal
and we will never be apart

-Anndria Turner


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I am currently trying to improve my older writeups.
! @
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Quote of the day...or maybe week...or until I get around to typing another one:
"Never mistake motion for action." - Ernest Hemingway
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. "...let's add a few more marks on your road map of insanity"








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The things people have said:
So many more have said things that's touched me, though they are not all listed here, and I thank you all:


wertperch says *HUGS*

ac_hyper says I'm flattered that you seem to be spending so much time reading stuff by little ol' me. :)

Fraun says re October 8, 2003: There is absolutely nothing I can really say, except; Hey. I'm here. I'm listening. I'm so sorry I can't do more.

wertperch says Well you *sound* more chipper - from your nodes. All I can say is keep going, be good at college =)

ac_hyper says Well you seem like a lovely person with a lot of positive things to add to the world. I am pleased to see this side of you. There is a nice personality under all that depression.

NightShadow says re February 3, 2004: Life sucking is not a permanent thing. It's like a roller-coasert: good and bad at times. Do not EVER wish death upon yourself if you are unhappy with the quality of your life over such trivial things. Death is a gift for having life, a reward. Be healthy, alive- or you are most assuredly dead already.

wertperch says re February 26, 2004 : This sounds quite upbeat! You might also mention that you're a mentor now, that's some acheivement and recognition!

anonymous says thanks ever so much! you're the only person here who has actually complimented my writeups. :-)


WHAT?!?! We, as Everythingians need to give more positive feedback!
TheDeadGuy says Sometimes I get this urge to ask you "are you okay?" Sometimes your homenode scares me a little. If you ever need an ear, let me know. Not that I'm willing to cut my ear off or anything, that would be insane.

wertperch says That happens to me - I see things in Random node, and go "I read this"..."I *wrote* this!"

ac_hyper says I'm sorry you've had a bad day, but always remember that there are people on E2 who care about you and want the best for you. :)

hamster bong says i think your step dad needs a good crack on the noggin'. i think you are lovely, don't ever leave (no matter what anyone tells you). perhaps some day you will learn to fly and you'll find the sun again. *hugs*

siouxsie says Hey! I came by earlier and dumped all of my votes into my favorites of your nodes. It was all the love I have to go around today. (grin) I hope your piano thing went well. I saw that you got some sleep. It sounded like a good night. ((HUG))

Lencil says whooo yes you doth equal much thankiness I mean, yes, wheee(mind me not) wheeeeeeee yay!

Andrew Aguecheek says and of cocurse I'm addicted to this place, who isn't?!

wertperch says Heehee, see you're reading about cat/toast arrays Good morning, just woke up after nodermeet and need coffee more than ever *hug*

A friend says In general, you sound better than you used to (judging from daylogs and usergroup messages). I know you don't really know me, but I've felt really bad for you since I discovered your writings. You just sounded so unreachably miserable. I've had numerous depressed and suicidal friends and family members, and the worst feeling is knowing that talking and listening will not solve brain chemistry issues. I have a tendency to want to fix people and make all their sadness go away. But I can't. All I can offer is listening, and who knows if it even does any good? Something from your daylog did strike me: the idea of "denying" your feelings of depression. This is not necessarily a bad thing! In a sense, depression can be thought of as a habit. Cycles of negative thought are very difficult to break, and sometimes even when your brain is chemically able to be happy, on a cognitive level you are so used to thinking the sad way that NOT allowing those familiar patterns to repeat feels wrong somehow. It's not wrong, it's just disconcerting. Anything you can do to break old thought habits will help you.

drownzsurf says Thank you for considering me as a help on your homenode. That is a highlight of my E2 career, because I sense its genuine quality from the heart, nothing to do with C!'s or votes or wu's but reality

ac_hyper says Thanks for the typo alert, and for reading my stuff!

arieh says one of E2's dirty secrets; votes only reset when you visit a superdoc (like the front page). Otherwise, you can keep spending yesterday's


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E2 tools
See confusedalot's bookmarks for everything about noding/everything2.
Things that relate to me
Borderline personality disorder
cutting
daft
depression
Dissociation
Dissociative disorder
Good reasons to leave my computer-centred world alone
I don't want to be a weeping mass of emotion, but I am
What I say too much
mental instability
nervous breakdown
Psychotic
Dissociative identity disorder
Savage Garden
Signs and symptoms of Psychiatric Disorders
Sometimes I do things just to feel alive

Touched me somehow
/me misses Hermetic
Adam Purcell
Avoiding date rape
birdonmyshoulder*
Down, not across
Family Matters
Hey Man, Nice Shot
I wish I could cry
Kill Yourself
Misery
Nodes that may make you feel better
Pretend you're not dying inside
Sad little spiral-bound notebook diaries
Subconscious Navigation
Suicide is a legitimate option in a case like this
The list of 250 Natural Highs
Things that give life meaning
trigeminal neuralgia
yellow is the opposite of blue

Fun stuff
Addicted to Everything 2
Everything Bartender
Everything Quote Server
Everything Rumors
Stupid Quotes
You know you are addicted to Everything when

Stuff that needs more info:
John Moschitta
And the worms ate into his brain
Coleperch
Minacious
How do you want to live?
Now everyone thinks that you're crazy
The Bluebird of Happiness
Daftness
Chuck E. Cheese's
Inability to cry
Everything is a community and I consider these people friends:
ac_hyper
Andrew Aguecheek
cbustapeck
confusedalot
Dawggy
dem bones
Fraun
Harmony
jennyjen
Kit
Lencil
momomom
Phinslit
Radar
samrolken
siouxsie
TheDeadGuy
thefix24
tracker
wertperch
No I did not forget you...I'm just not done!


I am working on organizing these....slowly...

User Bookmarks:

narcolepsy
Last night I could not sleep because of the noise in my head (idea)
A Clean, Well-Lighted Place
Virtual Bikini (thing)
Irritability (thing)
Selfless (idea)
The beginning of silence (idea)
Memories are meant to fade : They're designed that way for a reason
I don't want to be a weeping mass of emotion, but I am (idea)
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
The pros and cons of leaving your computer on
Everything Purity Test
I wonder when I learned to smile when I was being hurt
Personality disorders
Why I should quit Everything
Those who are the most intelligent are often the most likely to go insane
love is suicide
Do you love me or are you in love?
The Comfort of Depression
Runaway Train
Low self-esteem is actually one of the most self-centered acts; not unlike suicide
Astral projection technique
Is it social anxiety or just laziness?
I feel like shit, but I'm okay
Pleasures of the Flesh -- A tale told between blackouts (idea)
Just because you both have the same problem does not mean you are one another's solution
Humorous Writings of E2
I sometimes feel like I need every human that I can form a healthy relationship with to survive
If I were watched alone, I'd be considered insane
Quotes by Everythingians
Remind Me Who I Am, Again
Sometimes, all you can be is a friend
Self-injury
E2 Clinic of Nodal Psychoanalytic Evaluation & Textual Therapy
There Are Many People Living Inside of Me
"Mum, Dad, I've packed my bags and I'm moving out. I'm staying at Everything2."
psychotic break
dysgraphia
bus (thing)
memory is a stranger
Hello, I take Zoloft. I am so gloriously mentally ill! You will love me, yes?
Someone's been messing with my anti-paranoia medication!
The swing and the death of an old man (person)
In the maze of my mind, some paths cannot be backtracked
I never lie to you, I just allow you to misunderstand me
When you make your own mother cry you know you've fucked up
Watching the disk defrag
Why are you sad?
Well-written node - pity about its name
That's it. I quit team sanity.
I Want To Say I'm Sorry
Is there a kind of information you're better off not having?
The truth about razor blades
Don't node drunk
Shall I scare you with the truth? Or tell the pretty lie?
Your words keep me alive
To Parents: The Internet is NOT the Devil
The world breaks everyone (idea)
The world breaks everyone (idea)
Are you okay? (idea)
Self Injury
research is fun
I don't like the drugs
Websites that can improve your writeups (thing)
Why am I crying?
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
I'm so sorry my brain works that way
Helping someone who practices self-mutilation
Uberman's Sleep Schedule
I'm crying and I can't stop
It's Hard Enough
The top 15 funniest signs in Springfield
Friends don't let friends node drunk
when strangers tell me to smile
Sanity is wafer thin
Performing her communion with quick slashes up and down her arm
Please let me out, I won't do it again
derealization
Torturing your Sims
It's almost like you're real (idea)
To anyone contemplating suicide
I can't go on. But I will go on.
E2 killed my dog, and I don't think it's fair
Drink from the cup as if it's already broken
Improving your chances of winning at blackjack
Everything Document Directory
I seem to have lost the ability to "live"
TheDeadGuy
Everyone is right
Yourself In Me
She opened her eyes and spoke in a very normal voice, just as if she were sane
If it sleeps, it's alive
Falling in love with an inanimate object (idea)
Suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem
Cybersex gone wrong (idea)
No one will ever love you for your honesty
No journey worth taking is easy
Tears must be shed to make room for the laughter
Geodon
Some days there are so many words I need all three notebooks
Everything2 URL Interface
I don't even have the energy to kill myself
ginger tea (thing)
<hr> (thing)
White space (thing)
Misguided Angel (person)
We are kids in slightly wrinkled bodies
you cannot meet again unless you part
Severn Valley Railway
Suicide (person)
No journey worth taking is easy (idea)
Go where there is no snow (idea)
testing the waters (idea)
I look in the mirror (idea)
Anastasia Romanov (person)
the wandering one, the inquisitive dreamer of dreams
Desterado
grudge (thing)
usergroup message archive
Everything homenode adventure (idea)
Noding speedometer
Getting your work published (idea)
WAIAMQWIITIOJDTRT?
catwertle
Risperidone
The heart of the wasted city is weeping
February 21, 2002 (idea)
convergent thinking (thing)
schizophrenic scissors
E2 Sperm Counter
life long learning
batter's box
Alone amongst a head full of voices
cold water extraction
it all makes me so dizzy
E2 FAQ: Mentoring
I have always wanted someone to say to me what you just said
Random psychiatric disorder diagnosis kit
The three degrees of lost (idea)
E2 FAQ: Prescription medications
Perpetual reminder to myself: good sex is possible
Does she hate me? Or does she hate my crazy? (idea)
One of my IRC friends died and I don't know how to feel
Give everything you can to everyone you know
Soul Dragon
November 7, 2002 (idea)
Google Easter Eggs
doyle
Buzz Lightyear (thing)
Voting Oracle
Buy stuff, E2 gets money
December 20, 2002 (person)
i don't deserve you
Your Nodeshells
How to use Windows regularly without hating it (much)
Inflatable_Monk
Laziness and fear
Nibbled to death by ducks (idea)
News Archives
Anonymity, privacy and E2
The garden of moods
go to sleep so I can see you
I'm exhausted. Anyone with the balls to kill me can have all my stuff.
The blueprint of the soul
Notelet nodelet HTML tricks
I miss Adam
Everything College Registry
My agnostic prayer (idea)
How to survive a long-distance relationship (idea)
e2link: Create everything2 links from word lists
Confusedalot
Collective reality
Sadness is an old friend; Disappointment is his herald
If I had called you, would you still be dead?
They are not singing our song
depersonalization (thing)
Why she is not sorry (person)
Wind
Dune as a model for self improvement (idea)
Editor Log: February 2004 (thing)
February 23, 2004 (idea)
Secret Me-Meta-Node Challenge
Everyone is right (idea)
March 3, 2004 (place)
June 6, 1994
E2 Quests: Songs and Lyrics
The crazy things we do to keep ourselves sane
Rednecks vs. white trash (idea)
A dance on the dark side (idea)
bisexual (idea)
Convergence (idea)
Astral projection technique (thing)
Dum Dums (thing)
May 21, 2004 (idea)
the new e2


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