Thursday, July 1, 2004

My homenode at the reach of Level 5


user since
Thu Jan 3 2002 at 07:38:14 (2.5 years ago )
last seen
Thu Jul 1 2004 at 14:29:51 (26 seconds ago )
number of write-ups/experience
5 (Monk)
C!s spent
mission drive within everything
Learn and spread knowledge and tune my writing skills
Reference Books, Psychology, Popular Music, Technical theater, and Library science and whatever else happens to catch my eye
Citrus College| E2 Mentor, distracted noders, Bipolars, ninjagirls, buffpuffs, e2film, SoCal, e2health, e2tv
Never stop changing | "If you can't convince them confuse them" and "Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Procrastination will kill the bird"
most recent writeup
July 1, 2004 (update link)
your daily votes and C!s
0 / 45 votes | 1 / 1 C!s
notes to self
Edit your (Scratch) Pad
/msg yourself

talking to yourself
31 messages

Free to Noders
(Will except donations of almost any kind!)

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Email with the reasons I should send you an invite and I might just give you one.
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Who is skybluefusion? Where the hell did she come from? Level 4 and I've never seen them before!? How is this possible?


Well let's start with explaining what this means.

skybluefusion~My given name is derived from Jennifer which derives from Guinevere which derives from gwen which means white, fair and hwyfar, which means smooth. Blue has become my name as a converging person. sky blue is a mixture of blue and white. Fusion comes from confusion, for I have s pent much of my life in a state of confusion. It has a double meaning though, the other being fusion of selves into a functional being.

I am working toward many changes in my life, and getting away from _is_sad is an important step for me. I hope I have not caused any confusion for anyone. I am grateful to everyone who has supported me as bluebird_is_sad and beyond. I am extremely grateful to those who helped make this change happen.

April 20, 2004






It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

Darren Hayes, "I Miss You"


I get so tired of working so hard for my survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
-Peter Gabriel, "In Your Eyes"


Email me: skybluefusion at Gmail dot com


I like to help newbies! So if you are new or know of someone who is new I want to help! Confusedalot's homenode is full of goodies we should all keep up with. Check out wertperch's homenode and scroll down to all his newbie goodies. They are all excellent! If anyone knows other helpful lists, let me or confusedalot know. Thanks!

"Forgetful? I don't remember being forgetful..."

My mommy say's I'm special. (Of course she did say that right after I ran into a tree so I'm not sure if "special" is a good thing or not.)

All kidding aside:

I'm a 23 year old female from Southern California. Well I should say my birthday is April 3, 1981, because I am not very good at keeping my homenode updated. I am taking classes through my local community college. I use Everything2 as a study tool. Adding my new found knowledge as I go.

"Forgetful? I don't remember being forgetful..."

email: OR
AIM: Confusedalotly
Also can be found as: Citrus Bluebird (This usually means I am logged on from a campus lab or have both on, one through gaim and the other to trade files
MSN: YAHOO: sgrulesme
ICQ: 118096988


Meet my new pets: bobisamerikan, Kit and unnoficially Radar
Anyone else want to be my little projects? :P


I will do votetags/node audits. Anyone. I tend to do them anyways, unsolicited, of people who catch my eye. If you want every single one of your write-ups read by me, let me know. It might take me a while but I'll read them all and offer any and all feedback I can. =) Anyone, newbie to god. Don't matter to me.



Every night I imagine touching your face,
but nothing is there except empty space.
My dreams are filled
with visions of eternal bliss,
sealed by your tender and heavenly kiss.
I awake from my dreams,
yearning to hold you near,
searching but not finding
bringing me to tears.
I lie there thinking about how you showed me love,
making me wonder if you were
sent from heaven above.
I fall asleep knowing that
you are in my mind and my heart,
for love is eternal
and we will never be apart

-Anndria Turner

I am currently trying to improve my older writeups.
! @
Quote of the day...or maybe week...or until I get around to typing another one:
"Never mistake motion for action." - Ernest Hemingway
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. "...let's add a few more marks on your road map of insanity"

The things people have said:
So many more have said things that's touched me, though they are not all listed here, and I thank you all:

wertperch says *HUGS*

ac_hyper says I'm flattered that you seem to be spending so much time reading stuff by little ol' me. :)

Fraun says re October 8, 2003: There is absolutely nothing I can really say, except; Hey. I'm here. I'm listening. I'm so sorry I can't do more.

wertperch says Well you *sound* more chipper - from your nodes. All I can say is keep going, be good at college =)

ac_hyper says Well you seem like a lovely person with a lot of positive things to add to the world. I am pleased to see this side of you. There is a nice personality under all that depression.

NightShadow says re February 3, 2004: Life sucking is not a permanent thing. It's like a roller-coasert: good and bad at times. Do not EVER wish death upon yourself if you are unhappy with the quality of your life over such trivial things. Death is a gift for having life, a reward. Be healthy, alive- or you are most assuredly dead already.

wertperch says re February 26, 2004 : This sounds quite upbeat! You might also mention that you're a mentor now, that's some acheivement and recognition!

anonymous says thanks ever so much! you're the only person here who has actually complimented my writeups. :-)

WHAT?!?! We, as Everythingians need to give more positive feedback!
TheDeadGuy says Sometimes I get this urge to ask you "are you okay?" Sometimes your homenode scares me a little. If you ever need an ear, let me know. Not that I'm willing to cut my ear off or anything, that would be insane.

wertperch says That happens to me - I see things in Random node, and go "I read this"..."I *wrote* this!"

ac_hyper says I'm sorry you've had a bad day, but always remember that there are people on E2 who care about you and want the best for you. :)

hamster bong says i think your step dad needs a good crack on the noggin'. i think you are lovely, don't ever leave (no matter what anyone tells you). perhaps some day you will learn to fly and you'll find the sun again. *hugs*

siouxsie says Hey! I came by earlier and dumped all of my votes into my favorites of your nodes. It was all the love I have to go around today. (grin) I hope your piano thing went well. I saw that you got some sleep. It sounded like a good night. ((HUG))

Lencil says whooo yes you doth equal much thankiness I mean, yes, wheee(mind me not) wheeeeeeee yay!

Andrew Aguecheek says and of cocurse I'm addicted to this place, who isn't?!

wertperch says Heehee, see you're reading about cat/toast arrays Good morning, just woke up after nodermeet and need coffee more than ever *hug*

A friend says In general, you sound better than you used to (judging from daylogs and usergroup messages). I know you don't really know me, but I've felt really bad for you since I discovered your writings. You just sounded so unreachably miserable. I've had numerous depressed and suicidal friends and family members, and the worst feeling is knowing that talking and listening will not solve brain chemistry issues. I have a tendency to want to fix people and make all their sadness go away. But I can't. All I can offer is listening, and who knows if it even does any good? Something from your daylog did strike me: the idea of "denying" your feelings of depression. This is not necessarily a bad thing! In a sense, depression can be thought of as a habit. Cycles of negative thought are very difficult to break, and sometimes even when your brain is chemically able to be happy, on a cognitive level you are so used to thinking the sad way that NOT allowing those familiar patterns to repeat feels wrong somehow. It's not wrong, it's just disconcerting. Anything you can do to break old thought habits will help you.

drownzsurf says Thank you for considering me as a help on your homenode. That is a highlight of my E2 career, because I sense its genuine quality from the heart, nothing to do with C!'s or votes or wu's but reality

ac_hyper says Thanks for the typo alert, and for reading my stuff!

arieh says one of E2's dirty secrets; votes only reset when you visit a superdoc (like the front page). Otherwise, you can keep spending yesterday's


E2 tools
See confusedalot's bookmarks for everything about noding/everything2.
Things that relate to me
Borderline personality disorder
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What I say too much
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nervous breakdown
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Signs and symptoms of Psychiatric Disorders
Sometimes I do things just to feel alive

Touched me somehow
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Fun stuff
Addicted to Everything 2
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Stuff that needs more info:
John Moschitta
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Now everyone thinks that you're crazy
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Chuck E. Cheese's
Inability to cry
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dem bones
No I did not forget you...I'm just not done!

I am working on organizing these....slowly...

User Bookmarks:

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A Clean, Well-Lighted Place
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Quotes by Everythingians
Remind Me Who I Am, Again
Sometimes, all you can be is a friend
E2 Clinic of Nodal Psychoanalytic Evaluation & Textual Therapy
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psychotic break
bus (thing)
memory is a stranger
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The world breaks everyone (idea)
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research is fun
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Why can't I stop thinking about you?
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Uberman's Sleep Schedule
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The top 15 funniest signs in Springfield
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To anyone contemplating suicide
I can't go on. But I will go on.
E2 killed my dog, and I don't think it's fair
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Improving your chances of winning at blackjack
Everything Document Directory
I seem to have lost the ability to "live"
Everyone is right
Yourself In Me
She opened her eyes and spoke in a very normal voice, just as if she were sane
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Falling in love with an inanimate object (idea)
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<hr> (thing)
White space (thing)
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We are kids in slightly wrinkled bodies
you cannot meet again unless you part
Severn Valley Railway
Suicide (person)
No journey worth taking is easy (idea)
Go where there is no snow (idea)
testing the waters (idea)
I look in the mirror (idea)
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the wandering one, the inquisitive dreamer of dreams
grudge (thing)
usergroup message archive
Everything homenode adventure (idea)
Noding speedometer
Getting your work published (idea)
The heart of the wasted city is weeping
February 21, 2002 (idea)
convergent thinking (thing)
schizophrenic scissors
E2 Sperm Counter
life long learning
batter's box
Alone amongst a head full of voices
cold water extraction
it all makes me so dizzy
E2 FAQ: Mentoring
I have always wanted someone to say to me what you just said
Random psychiatric disorder diagnosis kit
The three degrees of lost (idea)
E2 FAQ: Prescription medications
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Does she hate me? Or does she hate my crazy? (idea)
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Give everything you can to everyone you know
Soul Dragon
November 7, 2002 (idea)
Google Easter Eggs
Buzz Lightyear (thing)
Voting Oracle
Buy stuff, E2 gets money
December 20, 2002 (person)
i don't deserve you
Your Nodeshells
How to use Windows regularly without hating it (much)
Laziness and fear
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News Archives
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go to sleep so I can see you
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How to survive a long-distance relationship (idea)
e2link: Create everything2 links from word lists
Collective reality
Sadness is an old friend; Disappointment is his herald
If I had called you, would you still be dead?
They are not singing our song
depersonalization (thing)
Why she is not sorry (person)
Dune as a model for self improvement (idea)
Editor Log: February 2004 (thing)
February 23, 2004 (idea)
Secret Me-Meta-Node Challenge
Everyone is right (idea)
March 3, 2004 (place)
June 6, 1994
E2 Quests: Songs and Lyrics
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Rednecks vs. white trash (idea)
A dance on the dark side (idea)
bisexual (idea)
Convergence (idea)
Astral projection technique (thing)
Dum Dums (thing)
May 21, 2004 (idea)
the new e2



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