Thursday, April 26, 2007

Home from school

I know I've been blogging a bunch, mostly short shit revealing shit I shouldn't talk about. I'm sorry. I have no one to talk to right now that I won't trigger. I'm lonely. I'm a basketcase. I'm a loser. I'm FUBAR.

Today in class we had to get up in front of the class and debate abortion. One group gets an A the other group gets an F. We got an F. I then had to go buy a blue book for the EPE I have to take ontuesday. more homework. have to plan an essay that i can have very little notes for that i have to write in class. i suck atinclass essays even when i'm at my best. right now i'm a mess. depressed. even thinking that suicide would be ok if i could just figure out a fool-proof plan, something I just cannot ever survive. i have no idea how i can do that tho so if anyone actually reads this shit i type here don't worry. i'll still be alive tomorrow.

i want so bad to cut right now. cut alot. bleed alot. iwant tokillthis damn spacebaronmy laptop! I can't keep my mind off of doing "something stupid" likecutting or writing a suicide note. i'm scared of myself. i'm also scared of the bad man. even tho dawggy told me he's notreal. i know dawggy is prolly right. he usually is but he exists to me. i can see and i can hear him, tho not usually at the same time. i'm scared of him. he wants to hurt us again. he wants to make me miserable but i'm already miserable enough.

i dont even know what triggered all this. i've been cutting at least once a day all week and i had gone like a month without. i'm typing now to keep my fingers busy until i can get my thoughts onto schooland off of the blade thats so close yet so far from me at this very moment. i have run out of crystal tears and now have to cry in crimson...i'm sorry.



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