February 15, 2002

I felt ok most of the day. I actually felt [happy|good] part of the day. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I wanted to cut. I'm not even sure if it was suddenly. It just kind of snuck up on me, this [desire]. I was working on school work and going through stuff on a disk and came across this:

Thou who drink thine own blood be true

By Bluebird

2/13/02



With the shiny blade

She slits her skin

And watches the blood,

[blood|Crimson tears] drip so softly

She wipes one tear from her skin

On her pinky now, [blood|one red tear]

Into her mouth, her tiny finger

The crimson sky she sees

For one brief moment

She can [taste] her pain

And the thought returns:

Thou who drink thine own [blood] be true

...And now the desire is even stronger. A lot stronger. [Cbustapeck|Christopher] was there for me when I needed someone to talk to and I thank him. He's a good friend. There are a lot of good people on [E2]. Now I have to get dressed and go down to the [Social Security] office because I got things all screwy with them but I think it's all straightened but I have to go down there and make sure and I'm just not in the mood to leave the house. I have no choice though. My mother makes all my decisions.

I have a sore throat today and am a bit tired. I was happy this morning but now I'm feeling depressed again. [Depression] is a way of life, I just have to remember that.