March 5, 2002

What's happening with me? well I wish I knew. I'm [lost]. I'm [anxiety|frightened] and I'm afraid to leave. I've been told by many noders that I should stay and they like my writing and such. That is nice. It makes me feel a bit better when people tell me they want me here. Part of me thinks it's all a [conspiracy] though. What am I being set up for? When does the major pain come? Part of me knows that the whole conspiracy thing is all [BS] made up by the inside people which are really just parts of me. Part of me believes them though, and believes in them. They talk so they must be real. I always thought everyone had inside people. I know now that that is not true. This makes me even more scared and [lonely]. I don't know what is true now. [Truth] scares me. I just don't [understand] it. I'm always being told I'm lying but I [honestly] don't know if I am [lying] or not because I no longer understand what [truth] is. I used to, but after being told so many times that I was lying when I was sure I was telling the truth I am [confused] now. What is truth?