Saturday, April 17, 2004

I'm not doing too well today. I feel confused. I feel frustrated. It's noisy inside my head. Inside people are having both conversations with each other that I feel like I am ease dropping on and some are actually talking to me.
I know I just sound insane. I probably am. i don't care. Insanity is just another one of those words that just means I'm not like most people in this frame. I don't care. I don't like this world and am glad i'm not like what's normal here.
i feel guilty. Sam, he needs me. I can't deal tho. I'm sorry. It's just too overwhelming today. Everything feels so overwhelming today.
I actually had a neat dream, and was going to do a dreamlog, since it involved several noders, but then several people needed an ear. And I couldn't deal. I turned off IRC quickly, and even tried to run from AIM. I can't help but feel overwhelming guilt for not being able to help people I care about. I need some time alone. Not long. Wouldn't even have to be alone really, just time when I'm not expected to answer questins, not expected to know anything.
Talking to Keith was fine. He didn't want anything from me. Instead, he made me feel good. I will thank him here, now, because I know he will be reading this blog today, as I showed it to him because of those TheDeadGuy quotes.
For Keith:

How lucky I am to have a friend in you. You make me laugh. You make me cry. Your words hit my deep inside my soul. You don’t tell me the inside people are not real. You are a guide to many. You lead well. Never stop. The words don’t exist in this frame. And my spelling of their words, it loses it’s meaning. Don’t give up on me. Don’t let me give up on me either.
You understand.



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