Wednesday, April 14, 2004

February 25, 2002

I'm [depressed]. Nothing new there.

I'm [lonely]. Yeah I know, old news.

I'm [frightened]. Boy I'm full of news aren't I? *sigh*

[Life sucks]. I'm once again at the public library. I hate this. I sit in my room all night, watching stupid movies, thinking about death and [blood], writing notes for the things I need to type up even though I know I won't be able to read most of what I write down anyway because my coordination is so bad my writing is equivilant to that of about a seven year old. I *had* a laptop. It lasted what? three days? then I dropped it. Now it don't work. What do I do now? My mother won't let me use the family computer at all. It's hard to get to the library everyday and hard to get a computer and get everything done in the one hour I get, if I'm lucky, on a computer. It's noisy here. I broke my brother's [headphone]s. I was using my brother's because I broke both pairs I had. It was so hard to get him to let me use them and now they're broken and I have to try to find enough money to buy him a new pair. I'm low on money this month. My own fault.

My mom hates me now. I don't mean to make her hate me. I just want to die. I don't have the energy to even try to kill myself though. I just hide and cry.

I have been trying so hard not to [self-injury|hurt myself] and have been pretty successful but now that I don't have a phone card anymore and no internet and so behind in school and just so frustrated and shattered inside...I just don't know how much longer I can go without at least [bleed]ing a little. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm failing [psychology|school] and falling apart inside.



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